#which is good because BOY howdy was that man a piece of shit in the early 90s

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

the downside to being a sitcom neighbour sort of person is that when rough things happen and emotionally fuck u up a lil bit, it also sounds completely made up

[galaxy-brain-rasslin]

The Swerve/Hangman feud is absolutely hilarious and amazing to me.

Swerve is, canonically and admittedly, a morally reprehensible piece of shit who can and will do awful things to achieve his goals. He literally broke into the home of Adam Page and threatened violence upon his child. There are, within the context of kayfabe, basically no redeeming qualities about Swerve. He is A Bad Person.

He also canonically spent two weeks in a casket after All In: London.

"Hangman" Adam Page is beloved, the soul of AEW. He's relatable to many people via his insecurities and his (sometimes successful) attempts to prove himself. He's also relatable to many people because he's canonically awful at keeping touch with people he's considered friends-- basically ghosting Dark Order (who tried very hard to get him to join *and* eventually befriend him). People want to see Hangman win, and see him successful, because he's good at making you want to root for him.

Unless, of course, he's up against Shane "Swerve" Strickland. A man who, for quite some time, the audience does not *want* to boo. Is Swerve a terrible person? Yes. Absolutely.

However. Counter-point: Swerve is so fucking cool.

Like, Swerve has the same inexplicable, innate, coolness to me that Scott Hall did when I was a child.

Swerve is so cool, and such a good wrestler, that people are starting to cheer less for Hangman. Some people are outright booing him now.

Which leads us to where we are today. We have an increasingly unhinged Adam Page (the mustache is the source of the evil in his heart) who is out for blood (figuratively and literally) with Swerve. He hates Swerve. And we have Swerve who is, on some level, trying to take some high roads-- asking Nana not to interfere and so forth.

Swerve's entrance has gone from the dark Mogul Embassy aesthetics to bright colors and comic book-esque aesthetics.

Like, this is functionally a double-turn. Swerve is turning babyface, because how do you *not* turn someone face when they're this over with the fans. By default, Hangman has to turn heel to keep the feud going.

And boy howdy do I want them to keep this feud going. It is the purest blood feud I've seen in a long time.

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

[veliseraptor]

Who is your favourite character in The Untamed and why? Oh, and what is your take on Lan Wangji's character?

God anon, the thing here is that my answer is basically “I love everyone in this bar!”*

*other than, like, three people

There’s just so many characters I have such good feelings about. I tried to top five it but I kept ending up with six or seven instead and then remembering more characters that I love. I just have a whole lot of feelings. I mean, the thing about me is that my true love when it comes to characters is “emotionally dysfunctional people with terrible lives” and that’s basically what we’ve got going on here.

But I guess if I’m picking a few:

1. Wei Wuxian. I mean, I walked into this show because of him and I walked out of this show with a new adoptee (this one). There’s so many buttons getting hit here, and it’s not just “evil flute music sexy” or “narrative kink for stories about the way that the stories people tell about people shape a person” but it is also both those things.

Like, if ever someone gave me an introduction designed to make me go ‘oh, this one’s mine now’ it’s...well, both number one and two on this list.

It’s just...watching that opening scene, and then two episodes later getting slingshot back into the past with someone who seems completely different, and watching those cracks grow and form with each hit he takes...is really good for my narrative kinks.

But also...he’s such a determined-to-be-good boy, he’s such a conciliator in all of these ways that make me feel things, I’m always a sucker for someone who is self-destructive while not always realizing that they’re being self-destructive, who has this particular type of selflessness that becomes self-immolation and also leads to a whole bunch of collateral damage. I have a thing for people who are desperately hiding their dysfunction because they don’t want anyone to know that they’ve got any.

Like. He’s such a mess. He’s got a big heart and a lot of love to give and he’s an enormous fucking mess. And like. The family issues? The self worth issues? Just a whole bunch of things designed to hit me right where I live. 

And evil flute music sexy.

2. Xue Yang. I know myself well enough that sometimes I can look at a character and within thirty seconds of their introduction go ‘oh I’m going to like this one’ and 90% of the time I am right and that is what happened with my new favorite gremlin. Yes he is terrible, I love him and I want him to have nice things. 

This was true before we got to the Yi City arc and I was like. oh thanks for hitting me in my dysfunctional fucked up ship feelings, show, I needed another one of these! Which, I mean, I did need one, because I always do, but hoo boy. 

I just...love a deeply feral and absolutely ruthless murder bastard. The sheer level of “fuck it” energy coming off him all the time. The absolute commitment to the psychological destruction of his nemesis slash boyfriend. The psychological fuckery of spending many, many years trying to resurrect the nemesis slash boyfriend you drove to suicide. The weird murder friendship with Jin Guangyao. (Friends help you be complicit in the murder of two of five sect leaders!) 

I love it. And him. That Good Shit.

3. Lan Wangji. Possibly this is like. Transitive property of character love because I love Wei Wuxian so much and obviously Wei Wuxian is fucking head over face in love with Lan Wangji, so - but also I just think he’s a very good boy?? He’s a disaster gay primarily passing as a functional gay by virtue of not talking enough for people to notice how much of a disaster he is. He’s spending a good half the show having a whole-ass moral existential crisis, which while I don’t find it relatable I do find deeply endearing. 

And just. I’m always going to be a sucker for ‘character who has a whole lot of emotions but doesn’t want anyone to know’ and that’s very Lan Wangji. He’s just! Very good. I am thinking about the scene with him drunk later in the show and that especially just makes me want to grab him and hug him only he wouldn’t like it. 

I don’t know, he just gives me a lot of very squishy feelings where I want to tell him that he’s good and it’s not his fault that his boyfriend went over the literal edge.

4. Jin Guangyao. It’s funny because on my first watch I didn’t notice him all that much for a while (I was busy! having Wangxian and sibling feelings mainly, especially the latter tbh, and some bonus ‘adopting a new horrible gremlin’ feelings), and then we hit the Nie Mingjue flashback episode and I was like. oh shit I love you. you’re coming home with me now. 

I mean, that’s not totally unexpected, I am weak to characters who are a) schemers b) have a lot of shit going on with identity and perception and c) do a lot of really certifiably horrible shit, and I just. pocket sized murder kitten and he belongs to me, I will continue to call him Jiggy forever but that is only because he is yet another of my terrible sons

5. Lan Xichen. Another character I was like - warm and positive toward through my first rewatch and then at the end when he was completely shattering was like “oh hey I love him now.” And then also seeing people in fandom talk shit about him and going “oh hey I love him more now.” 

And then on my rewatch just like. Loving him even more because...yeah he makes some poor choices sure but he’s also just full of such...warmth and generosity? Like, this is a guy who, in a world where everyone is leaping to conclusions all the time, is like ‘maybe let’s not leap to conclusions and give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, you guys.’ And I like that in a man. It seems like he’s almost compensating for everyone else by going maybe a little bit overboard.

But when did “characters making good choices” be something that qualifies anyone for a favorite of mine? The answer is never.

Also I deeply appreciate his commitment to Lan Wangji and by extension his position as the Founder of the Wangxian Fan Club (co-founder with Jiang Yanli, I’d say, but I think he did get there first). And his consistent expression of exhaustion through the whole thing. Characters who need and deserve a nap: Xichen, and not just the depression one he’s taking post-canon.

6. Jiang Cheng. Didn’t see that one coming but in retrospect probably should have! I’m always going to have emotions about emotionally dysfunctional people with inferiority complexes who have a whole lot of feelings but only really know how to express one of them. Also just like. The entirety of the relationship between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng was designed to hit me right in the place where I live and boy howdy did it succeed in leaving me hurting a lot for them both. 

And just. This boy is such a disaster! He’s miserable! Everything in his life kinda sucks and he’s not helping himself and definitely not dealing with any of his issues at all! I feel like he needs a nap and a five year hug in the worst way.

But also like. All my love for Wen Qing and Wen Ning both? I’m acquiring more Jiang Yanli feelings on the regular? The entire Yi City Disaster Crew is gold and their dynamics are *chef fingers* amazing? I love all of the juniors but maybe especially Jin Ling so much???

(I do not have as many Nie brother feelings, but I feel like I could get talked into them with very little effort on anyone’s part, especially with Nie Huaisang. I already have feelings about the NHS/JGY relationship, so.)

like this is very much one of those pieces of media where I’m like ‘yes maybe I have latched onto these two characters most but G O D I love them all so much, taking them all home with me for therapy and hot chocolate.”

[unofferable-fic]

Even-Stevens (Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes)

Summary: While on a recon mission overseas, Bucky finds himself in close quarters with you and Steve. The last thing he expects is for the conversation to turn to your preference for super soldiers and an apparent ‘free pass’ arrangement.

Originally posted here

————

Pairing: Steve x Reader x Bucky

Warnings: Language, kissing, free passes and such.

Word Count: 3,126

Puzzle Pieces: Character: Bucky Barnes Weather: Snow storm Setting: Finding/renting a cabin Prompt: “Move or I’ll sit on you.”

————

A/N: Also available on AO3. Howdy, this is my first piece of Marvel-related writing in a while and is also part of @your-highnessmarvel​ ’s Choose Your Puzzle Writing Challenge. This is just a bit of fun with my two favourite super soldiers, really. Hope you’s enjoy!

“How much longer until we get to this cabin, Cap? I feel like I’m starting to freeze.”

Bucky’s boots crunched in the snow as he trudged along a steep incline. Ahead of him, Steve and Y/N lead the way through the Scandinavian forests while the unsettling grey clouds above began to release a torrent of snow right on schedule. They had been flown out to the more secluded part of Sweden that afternoon, on a mission to do some recon on a newly-discovered HYDRA base. Two super soldiers and a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent — each of them having extensive knowledge on the organisation — seemed like the right crew to send out. The only issue was that a snow storm was due to swing by, forcing them to make a stop for some rest before sneaking to the base’s outskirts in the early morning hours. Bucky didn’t have much problem with snow anymore, even if he used to associate it with his time spent under HYDRA’s strict control in Siberia. It was somewhat freeing to be able to admire the peaceful weather without an unnerving and anxious feeling twisting around in his stomach.

Steve called out from his spot at the front of the trio. “The cabin should be on the other side of this hill, so not long now.”

Bucky was the last in line with Y/N placed firmly between them. She released a sigh, visibly done with the building snow already. “Good, I don’t think I can feel my toes anymore.”

“You always this dramatic about a bit of snow?” Bucky teased, revelling in his super soldier abilities that kept him warm in useful times like this.

“Ugh, yes, considering I’m still a measly human?” she replied, glancing over her shoulder to look at him. “Not all of us got to have that special potion of yours, Barnes.”

“That potion doesn’t gift ya with extra patience, doll.”

“Well no wonder you’re such a grumpy guy then, James.”

From the front of the line, Steve called out. “Good God. Whose idea was it to send you two on this mission with me again?”

“Yours!” they replied in unison without hesitation and Bucky laughed.

Steve let out a sigh. “Right, guess that’s my own fault then.”

“Could be worse, Stevie,” Bucky offered, hopping over a fallen log that blocked his path. “At least we’re not teasin’ you this time.”

“How about we keep the joking around until after we reach the cabin at least?”

They didn’t have to wait long to reach their destination. The cabin was where Steve said it would be, hidden away amidst the dense shrubbery and trees. Bucky barely offered the wooden structure more than a glance as they hurried inside and shut the outside world off behind them. Even if he wasn’t particularly struggling in the harsh weather, it was nice to be somewhere more secure and comforting.

“I’ll get the fire going,” Steve assured them, taking his signature shield off his back and leaving it leaning against a nearby wall. His tone shifted from that of Captain Rogers to his more casual friend Steve. “So we can warm up.”

“This place is really nice for a S.H.I.E.L.D. base,” Y/N noted, already shrugging off her heavy coat with a shiver. She peered into what looked to be a small living room and pointed at a big recliner in the corner. “Damn, I can’t wait to park my ass in that later. Look at how fluffy those cushions are!”

“It’s a good spot,” Steve agreed, chuckling at her enthusiasm. “And it should keep us warm and away from that snow before we head out again later.”

“Please tell me this place has hot water?”

“Stark said he would make sure we have hot water and food, so you should have plenty.”

“God bless that man,” she said gleefully. “I’m gonna go grab a shower.” With a kiss on Steve’s cheek, she rushed off into the bathroom. Steve’s eyes trailed after her with a small smile and Bucky eyed him, smirking in amusement.

“I’d tease ya for that,” Bucky began. “If you two weren’t so damn cute and ya didn’t have that shit-eatin’ grin on your face.”

“Then take your own advice and say nothing,” Steve waved him off, turning his attention to the fire. “I’ve had enough of your teasing for one day, punk.”

“’M just glad things are workin’ out between ya.”

Steve and Y/N had been in a relationship for the past year and from what Bucky could tell, things were going pretty well. They met at the Compound when she was brought in to assist with certain HYDRA missions. Being a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, she had much to offer, and her expertise came in very handy when they needed it. Steve clearly became fond of her for more than that, and his offer of coffee sparked what ended up being a healthy relationship for them both. He wasn’t at all surprised when she caught Captain America’s attention. She was quietly confident in her abilities, could handle herself in the field, and was dedicated to helping people in whatever way she could. Not only that, but her playful snark when in a more casual setting caught him hook, line, and sinker. Bucky was always happy to see his best friend finding someone who made him feel content, and even more happy that he could poke fun at him for smiling like an idiot every time she was in the room. It helped that he genuinely liked her too, and found that they had surprisingly similar personalities. She certainly had his best pal seal of approval.

“Thanks, Buck,” Steve replied, tossing logs on to the newly-lit fire. “I’m glad too.”

Bucky smiled before glancing around the small sitting room. “Anythin’ ya need me to do to help out?”

“Tony said he would have some ready-made meals left in the fridge for us if you wanna sort those out.”

Bucky assured him he was on it before heading to the small kitchen in the next room over. As he pulled the pasta dishes from the mini fridge and prepared them, he got a proper look around the room. It was surprisingly homely, considering it was a base that was used quite regularly by S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in the area, but he supposed it would look suspicious to any passersby who looked in its windows and saw goddamn spy equipment littered all over the place. Its wooden beams and rustic decoration induced a warm, cosy feeling inside him.

Yeah, I could get used to this place.

With three meals steaming and ready to go, he knocked on the bathroom door to let Y/N know that there was food waiting for her when she got out. It didn’t take her too long to join them in the living room. Bucky, ever the antagonistic jerk that he was, parked himself firmly in the much sought after recliner, much to Steve’s dismay. He would regret it, he said, already expecting the confrontation that would occur. The former Winter Soldier merely flashed him a pasta-filled smile. Evidently, Steve was right to warn him — the agent soon joined them with wet hair and wearing more casual clothes compared to her earlier attire. She planted herself in front of him, hands on her hips, while he wolfed down his meal. Up until that point, the calming atmosphere in the cabin had been ideal. Now, Bucky had definitely put his damn foot in it.

“You’re in my spot.”

“Am I?” he asked, feigning innocence and unable to help himself. “Is this your cabin too?”

She bit back a smile. “It’s not my cabin, but I sure as hell claimed that chair.”

“I didn’t hear ya claim anythin’.”

“You must be hard of hearing in your old age, then.”

From his spot on the couch, Steve snorted. Bucky rolled his eyes. “Don’t bother an old man his chair.”

“That’s my chair.”

“Says who?”

“Says me! So move.”

He chuckled, enjoying how he vexed her. “Not gonna happen, doll.”

“Move or I’ll sit on you.”

He grinned. “Awh c’mon, we don’t wanna make Stevie jealous with an offer like that.”

With a huff, she plopped herself on the couch next to Steve, letting her back rest against his shoulder and grabbing her ready-made meal. “You’re the bane of my existence, Barnes.”

“Love you too, doll.”

Though they pretended to fight and ended up in bouts of verbal grilling semi-regularly, neither of them ever took it to heart.

The Captain merely rolled his eyes at the exchange, chucking his empty food container on the table and grabbing the laptop. “I need a distraction from this bickering. What did I do to deserve dealing with you two on this mission?”

Y/N replied without missing a beat. “It must have been because of your rampant infidelity.”

Bucky choked on the last mouthful of his meal. He spluttered out a laugh, smacking his chest in an attempt to clear his throat. “Fuckin’ hell—”

Steve appeared unamused while his girlfriend pacified him. “It was just a joke, Steve! Why are you making that face?”

Oh, boy. Bucky would have felt bad for laughing had the situation been far more serious, but thankfully, said accusations were completely — well, mostly — false. At this point, it had become a bit of a joke between her and Steve.

A few months ago, Steve — or rather, Captain America — was asked to partake in an advertisement campaign, in which he was to do a photoshoot themed around the thirties and forties. Very original. One such snapshot was to be a recreation of the infamous V-J Day in Times Square photo, more commonly known as the Navy sailor embracing and kissing the nurse. A model took the place of the nurse, and it was done quite tastefully in Bucky’s opinion. Steve informed Y/N ahead of time, worried she might be displeased with the arrangement, but she was completely unfazed, well aware that it was just for a photograph. Regardless, the captain worried, reassuring her that ‘it meant nothing, yada yada yada…’ It had become sort of a running joke that she would frame him as a cheating fiend to get back for the weeks of unnecessary explanations she received from her boyfriend.

“I already said I was sorry about it,” Steve grumbled, slinging his arm around her shoulder and pulling her body closer to his. “And you’re still hasslin’ me about it.”

“I’m only joking around,” she clarified and gave his hand a squeeze. “Plus, I’ve already told you that you don’t have to apologise to me. I couldn’t care less about the photoshoot. But that hasn’t stopped you from saying sorry or making unusual offers.”

“Unusual offers?” Bucky repeated, looking between them with immediate interest.

Y/N looked to her boyfriend with a wry grin. “Can we tell him?”

“Tell me what?”

Steve was grinning despite his hesitance. “If you want to, but it can’t leave this cabin.”

Bucky immediately sat up in the recliner. “Okay, now I’m really curious.”

With a sure nod from Steve, she turned to Bucky and revealed what their secret was. “He offered me a free pass.”

Bucky blinked. “A what?”

“A free pass. Like, he said I can kiss one person to make up for him kissing the model. That way, we’ll be ‘even Stevens’, as he said.”

Bucky was silent for a few seconds before he burst out laughing. He met Steve’s gaze and said. “Ya seriously suggested that?”

The other man shrugged in response. “I felt guilty, alright? And it was only if she wanted to. There were also some conditions.”

Y/N began to list them off on her fingers. “No strangers, no one already in a relationship, Steve has to know about it ahead of time and also be present, and specifically not Tony under any circumstances.”

“But isn’t he already in a relationship anyway?”

“Yeah, but Steve was very insistent about it not being him.”

Bucky couldn’t help but be amused by the arrangement, but Steve generally seemed unbothered by it. He supposed he felt reassured in their relationship and unthreatened about giving her a free pass to kiss someone else once without consequence.

Bucky nodded along thoughtfully. “So… ya got your eyes on anyone?”

“I will admit, I did ask Steve whether Thor would be allowed.”

Bucky snorted. “Of course ya’d go for another big, dumb blonde.”

“Damn,” Steve sighed, pretending to be insulted. “Way to do us both dirty, Buck.”

“What can I say?” She shrugged, displaying not even an ounce of shame. “I do love a good beefcake.”

“Thor ain’t the only beefcake on the team,” Steve added, nodding suggestively to his friend sitting opposite them. “Right?”

Bucky’s natural response was to laugh until he saw the thoughtful look in Y/N’s eyes. Clogs were clearly turning in her mind as she looked between them. “Well, now that you mention it…”

His mouth fell open. “Uh…”

Now it was Steve’s turn to be amused at his friend’s discomfort. “You speechless, pal?”

“’M tryin’ not to make assumptions, punk.”

“To be honest,” she began again, equally amused by his reaction. “I did ask if you were also off limits, and apparently you’re not.”

Bucky was honestly stumped. At first, he couldn’t tell whether they were joking or pulling some out of embarrassing prank. “I can’t tell if you two are bein’ serious.”

“Oh, it’s not a joke,” Steve confirmed casually. “She asked whether I’d be more comfortable with her kissing either you or Thor, and I’ve known you longer than anyone on our team. I’d be more comfortable if it’s someone I trust wholeheartedly.”

“I… Uh, I just,” Bucky stammered, trying to choose his words carefully so that he didn’t sound like an ass. He assumed he already sounded like an ass. “I wouldn’t want things to be awkward between us, Steve.”

“It’s just a kiss, Barnes,” Y/N replied. “Nothing to get your knickers in a twist over. Seriously, no big deal.”

He looked at her pensively. “No big deal?”

“If I kiss Bucky,” she said, placing a hand on Steve’s thigh. “Can we be even with this whole kiss thing and you can stop going on about it?”

He nodded and quickly shut the laptop. “Deal. If he’s comfortable with it too.”

“I mean…” Bucky cleared his throat as they watched him expectantly. “’M not gonna turn down a kiss.”

Y/N got to her feet as he did. For a moment, he stood there awkwardly. It had been many years since Bucky was a rampant and confident ladies man. Even if he was doing much better since his brainwashed Winter Solder days, he still hadn’t settled back into his previous reputation. His charisma had taken a bit of a nose dive. Sometimes he was more comfortable around damn goats than he was around a good-looking woman.

“It’s just a peck,” she reassured him gently with a small smile.

“Uh, sure. Yeah.” He smiled back, not entirely sure what he should do with his hands. His metal fingers clenched into a fist before relaxing and repeating the motion.

“You should dip her,” Steve suggested from his spot on the couch. When they gave him a questioning look, he added. “That’s what I had to do for the photoshoot. Y’know, like the original photo.”

“Ya tryin’a make me feel even more awkward?” Bucky accused him.

“Maybe.”

“Okay,” Y/N said, then clapped her hands to psych them up. “Come on, Barnes! Don’t think, just go for it!”

“Awh, fuck.”

Taking her advice and just ‘going for it’, Bucky pulled her swiftly into his arms, dipped her back, and pressed his lips against hers. Her arms instinctively grabbed his broad shoulders as she settled into the sudden kiss, lips relaxing against his. He eased her back up, keeping the kiss chaste and gentle. Despite the formality of the arrangement and the fact his best friend was currently watching the embrace, Bucky couldn’t help but think about how nice it was to kiss a woman again. It wasn’t suggestive, it wasn’t desperate, and it certainly wasn’t insinuating that there was more to come. But it was good. Her soft lips, the light breath fanning over his face, and her body fitting into his sure as hell made him feel really damn good.

He pulled back from her lips with a small smack, carefully releasing her from his grasp. They stared at each other for a moment, taking in their surrounds and looking to see Steve sitting contentedly on the couch. “That was some dip.”

Bucky grumbled in response while Y/N looked at him expectantly. “Sooooo, we’re even now?”

“Even Stevens.”

“Sweet. Thanks for the assistance, Barnes.”

Bucky waved her off awkwardly. “’S fine. ’M not sure if this is weird, but you’re a good kisser.”

She giggled slightly. “Even if it’s kinda weird, you’re a good kisser too.” She ran a hand over the back of her neck and picked up her food off the table. “I’m, eh, gonna go reheat my dinner. I’ll be back.”

She left without another word, the sound of the microwave coming on confirming her explanation. Bucky stood in the middle of the room for a moment, watching her leave and then clearing his throat. He reclaimed his seat in the recliner once more, feeling his friend’s eyes on him.

Bucky met his smirking gaze. “Whose idea was that?”

“Hers originally,” Steve admitted. “But I didn’t have any problem with it. We discussed it before a few times.”

“Ya sure you’re cool with it?”

“Definitely,” he confirmed. “It’s kinda nice to see you flustered over a dame for once.”

“So we’re good?” he asked with an edge to his voice. “No big deal?”

“Of course we’re good, Buck! Plus, who says I didn’t get anythin’ outta that either?”

The brunette’s brows piqued at his admittance. “Really? Huh… Ya better hope Stark hasn’t got this place bugged.”

“What Tony won’t know won’t hurt him.” Steve relaxed in his seat, completely unfazed by the turn of events. “But what I did know, was that you’d be up for the suggestion. And now I get to tease you for once. Who knew my girl could make you so flustered?”

Bucky shook his head, not taking the teasing to heart. He met his best friend’s cheerful gaze and started to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. This was one weird recon mission, but he was sure as shit enjoying it. “Shut up, jerk.”

“Not a chance, punk.”

[inertia-is-a-statue-of-a-man]

Hey what’s your opinion on the Wayne kids? Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, and Cassandra Cain

Okay so.... this is gonna be long I have... thoughts. 

I love Dick Grayson in theory. He seems very nice and he clearly means well, and as a fellow disaster bi, I get it. (He’s also beautiful). But he’s a cop. I was fully prepared to love him- things were going so well in my perception of him, and then he became a cop - joining a force that is notoriously corrupt in a misguided attempt to what? Save the system by joining the system? When has that ever worked? He of all people should not have been a cop. HE WENT TO JUVIE. Why did he go- “hah yeah that was terrible- gonna go join the system that put me there”? I hate it. -10/10 career move. Would love to give him a piece of my mind. Like I’m a lot of things, and likely to get arrested for direct action is one of them, I think America would be a better place if people stopped being cops- just in general. What have they really accomplished except enforcing racial and class distinctions in an effort to prevent the common man from rising up against our oppressors? I don’t care how fat that ass is, I refuse to find a cop hot on moral grounds (also not an ass girl so it’s fairly easy to ignore). This being said, I feel so much pity for him. Not only for what he went through with his parents, but also the culture shock of adjusting to Gotham high society after coming from the circus- having experienced Gotham’s social services and juvie? Being a known Romani person in white culture, especially RICH WHITE CULTURE? I also wish death and suffering to anyone who started sexualizing him as soon as he hit puberty- any woman can tell you how that shit hurts, and being in the public eye only makes it worse- I will legitimately fight anyone, but especially the adult women I saw sexualizing him when he was 16, catch these fucking hands, death to pedophiles. I can’t even imagine what he’s been through and I sincerely hope that he has someone he can confide in at the very least a friend but hopefully a professional. 

Jason Todd- I don’t know that much about him. He wasn’t super in the public eye like Grayson was/is and he died young which is... unfortunate. I feel like Wayne didn’t get enough flack for Todd dying - like I’ve mentioned this before, Bruce Wayne, beacon of Gotham adoption had one of his kids die, and like nobody talks about it? What the actual fuck? But I mean, he was from the Bowery and seemed like a spunky kid so like I’m on board with Jason Todd. He didn’t live long enough to become a cop, but he’s from the Bowery so who are we kidding, he wouldn’t have done that anyway.

Tim Drake is complicated. On one hand he’s a literal child who dropped out of high school to take over a multi-billion dollar corporation for his adopted father- and that is SO fucked up on so many levels. Let him be a kid? Look me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn’t be happier with kids his own age at a skatepark instead of sitting in an office all day dealing with investors. I also understand that his childhood was neglectful, and boy howdy do I know what that feels like, I’ve called my parents by their first names since I was 8 for a reason. I don’t feel comfortable passing a lot of judgement on a teenager, and especially not one in his position. I didn’t know who I was at his age, and I still don’t really know who I am- he’s in a crucial state of development and in position where the opinions of strangers mean everything. He’s under so much stress, I hope he’s okay and that he’s mentally and physically healthy.  

Damian Wayne is an even smaller literal child. He’s a goddamn BABY. I’m not going to give moral judgement on such a wee bab. That is absolutely not happening. I am gonna say that I hope he’s getting the love and attention he needs to flourish, that he’s happy and healthy, and that he’s given the freedom to form genuine human connections rather than being forced to network for his father/brother’s company. He deserves to be a child, and I hate that A. because of his race, and B. because of who his father is that that’s not likely to happen in American society. I wish Damian well. 

Uhm... Cassandra is really pretty and has some nice arm and shoulder muscles. I’m a raging bisexual so this shouldn’t surprise any of you. But uhm, she seems cool. She likes to dance and seems good at it. It’s nice to see her being given the freedom to pursue her passions. She’s fairly quiet. She has nice arms. I genuinely don’t know a lot about her, she’s managed to be in the press less often than her brothers. She’s also newer to the family, so there’s been less time for me to form an opinion. 

[pcrcdise]

╰ ♡  MUSE 75, TOM HOLLAND, CISMALE ┊ have you seen TROY SINCLAIR around hillston? the 21 year old is said to be a COLLEGE SENIOR. the neighbours would say that they’re ENTITLED and RUTHLESS, but they’re actually SOCIABLE and NONCHALANT. HE often reminds people of quickies in club bathrooms, entirety of his closet filled with designer brands, gym locker rooms. watch out, though. you wouldn’t believe that HE’S A SERIAL DATER AND PUTS HIS SELF WORTH ON THE ATTENTION HE GETS. ( candy, 24, aedt, she/her )

hey  howdy  hey  !  i’m  candy  and  this  is  troy  .  don’t  come  for  me  bc  this  man  is  a  piece  of  shit  (  but  also  pls  love  him  lmao  )  .  find  his  statistics  here  and  a  list  of  wanted  connections  here  or  tag  here  which  i  need  to  update  ,  oop  . 

full name : troy shane sinclair nickname(s) : troy boy , tboy birth date : june thirteen zodiac sign : gemini age : twenty-one gender : cismale pronouns : he / him / his sexual orientation : bisexual romantic orientation : biromantic education : high school diploma , currently studying a bachelor of athletic training at university as a senior

𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃

from a very young age, troy’s been active, boisterous and restless. he’s always been doing something and putting his all into it. whether that was imaginative play, puzzles, hands on crafts or the majority of the time he was dancing along to kids shows ( that weren’t on for very long ) or playing outside where he spent most of his time. he was a ball of energy, and still is. he also wanted people to watch him, so he could show off what he was doing to them or for them to play with them. he always wanted attention. ( that hasn’t changed ). that only intensified when his siblings came into the world, and even more so when their mother ‘fucked off’ as he likes to say.

in the current day people know troy sinclair as the guy that doesn’t give a shit about anything, that doesn’t let things worry him. what they don’t know is that after their mother left up until kindergarten, he had separation anxiety, specifically for his father and other close family members. he most definitely clung to dad in those years, fearing he was going to leave too but luckily, for everyone’s sake, he managed to grow out of this when he realised his siblings needed him.

this boy is the epitome of a spoiled, entitled, rich, fuckboy. he only wears designer clothes and dresses to impress, is always wearing expensive watches, drives cars you can only dream of owning, works out/goes for a run every day, parties hard and fucks harder and is renowned for breaking hearts ( he is a gemini, what do you expect? lmao ). he is a good guy he’s just... questionable.

troy thrives on fun and adventure and every weekend is a chance to travel, party or cause chaos. he would very much prefer to be off traveling, exploring, putting his curiosity to good use by discovering new things or partying than sitting at home being lazy. even before turning twenty-one, clubs are one of his playing fields/stomping grounds as well as frat parties and regular bars. 

that’s not to say he’s not a classy mofo either, mates. catch him sporting suit and tie at brunches and galas talking the talk and sipping on expensive wine with his kind. 

troy exudes confidence and luxury. although he may think that the world revolves around him at times and believes he deserves special treatment because of his family’s reputation and wealth, but he will literally talk to anyone. like, he can talk that’s for sure and is one of those people that comes across as being “friends” with everyone. he is sociable and civil ( in his own way ). you may be of lower class and he will still talk to you. 

it’s very hard for troy to stress out or to get upset. school work is getting hard? oh well. i just broke up with my partner? meh. dad’s got another partner? what else is new? you want a fight? bring it on. he is very much a believer in things are meant to happen for a reason and doesn’t tend to take life too seriously ( except for when it comes to prized possessions and even then he can go out and buy some more ). he does get offended though, let’s make that clear. with that being said though, when opportunity arises or he finds something that he wants he will take it and won’t stop until he gets what he wants.

when he is hurt, however, he will bottle it and not say a single word. for someone who’s brutally honest and isn’t shy to give his opinion, troy is very closed off and tends to keep people at a distance or lie to them about his feelings when he’s down.

family is everything to troy! he loves them unconditionally ( even if they annoy the fuck out of him sometimes ) and they are the only people he would lay down his life for. everyone else? nah. he isn’t overly protective over his siblings because he knows they can take of themselves, but will step in when need be like the good big bro he is. 

𝚂𝙴𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚃

troy doesn’t like to be single, can’t be single. not really anyway. there are underlying commitment or abandonment issues when it comes to relationships that are more than likely the root of the problem. along with the fact mama left and papa has had countless partners over the years.

troy doesn’t need to be the centre of attention as he already knows he’s the best, but he expects attention. he works hard on his physique and appearance, putting his self-worth on the constant attention he receives. negative attention isn’t ideal, though he knows that only the best have their haters. being in a relationship is a validation to him that he is worth it, that his looks and who he is is worthy. it’s not healthy, and i think he knows it.

being single for too long gives him doubt, sends him down a downhill spiral of harsh criticism and he feels as though he is nothing without someone, that someone not wanting him is the end of the world in a dramatic sense. 

not only that, but troy actually enjoys the beginning of relationships. the charming smiles, flirting, the chase, going on those first few dates and being showered in compliments ( and giving them, ofc ). he likes getting to know people, likes the process of being strangers to being together, and he enjoys sleeping with new people also. the first touches, the way he can make someone’s heart race and how they can do the same to him. it’s enticing, addicting like drugs. all the way to the honeymoon phase.

he knows it isn’t love, not matter what his lover at the time says. he has never said it, and probably never will because he doesn’t believe in romantic love ( we’ll see ). troy is deep down in love with the idea of love, and it’s sad.

the boy’s relationships tend to last a couple of months at the very most. when that honeymoon phase starts to wear off, when he’s had the sex he needs and feels as though that partner is not doing anything for him anymore… he’s out. any work that needs to be put into a relationship to make it work or when a solid, deep and emotional connection is meant to start forming, he’s done. with that being said, he has never cheated on his spouse! ever! he always leaves first before hoping in the sack with someone else!

break ups are not easy for most people, but for troy it’s nothing. it’s as easy as getting dressed in the morning, like breaking a toothpick. douchebag i know, don’t come for me.

[fauhwn]

(wtf fauhwn uses proper grammar??) Howdy folks; this is pretty well overdue considering I made up these kids back in August, but I kept changing the story so there's a lot of inconsistency, and I apologize for that, haha.

Anyways today we-well-I, will be discussing/sharing Ryan's backstory

btw i have little to no knowledge on the military which will be a big part of ryan's story, so forgive me.

(The ski mask son of a bitch)

Again I make changes to the story every 0.2 seconds that my mind can functionally think. Also warning this will be fairly long considering I write a lot.

Ryan McClain (fake identity, not his actual name) was born in Michigan, in the more Northern, rural regions. His birthday is on November 13th, and was born anywhere from 1982-1990, also 6'5. (he's 25 in the story I just quite haven't put a pin on what year it takes place in. But the years are around 2005-2011) His father's name is John Reyes. His mother was Deborah Reyes. She died when Ryan was around 4-5 due to a sickness. John was heartbroken, since he really loved her. He's not a very good father to Ryan, and even before Deborah's death he was pretty shit. Anyways he always brings some woman home every couple of months. Ryan had like 3 or 4 stepmoms lol. They were all bitches too so Ryan didn't like any of them.

When Ryan's mother died, his uncle, David Reyes, took care of him a lot. (Even before her death him and his uncle would get along.) David is a super kind man, and is the older brother of John by quite a lot of years. He was born in like the 1940s or 50s, likely the latter, and was part of like, the Special Forces or something I think. Is also a Vietnam Veteran. Before Ryan was born his wife and son were killed in a car accident, so I guess Ryan reminded David of his son and only caused him to love him more. Anyways he and Ryan would go hunting a lot, and Ryan caught his first animal with a rifle at the age of 7. With the help of his uncle of course. Most of the time Ryan just did all of these things to try and impress his father, who basically did not care. David felt bad for him and he just loved Ryan so he always made sure to give Ryan the attention and love he deserved.

So basically David was the father figure that Ryan needed in his life.

David inspired Ryan a ton, and he'd always marvel at the various medals that David has hung up in a small room in his house, and Ryan wanted to join the military too when he was older. David was in his uh.. 50s, but he still had lots of fight left in him, and teached Ryan a lot of self-defense tactics as well as going to shooting ranges with him. David was a medic too I think. Well he had some prior knowledge on medicine anyways. So he passes that down to Ryan too, and teaches him how to treat stab wounds, bullet wounds, tying a tourniquet, stopping blood loss, etc.

Straying away from Ryan and his lovely uncle we now delve into some more personal shit. So anyways Ryan develops a crush on this girl, Susan, when he first went to high school. They actually dated quite a while later after being friends for a bit, and dated for a long time. And Ryan really liked her.

Now Ryan finishes high school and he's enlisted. He's got a lot of knowledge from his uncle, and it was his uncle who inspired him to join the Marines. He promises his girlfriend and uncle that he will spend as much time with them as he can when he isn't on tour.

Fast forward Ryan is on tour, he's with some guy named Richard Stilles. They're both very capable men, and got along well.

Ryan met this little boy while he was there. He knew no English, but Ryan, being the soft piece of shit he is, sort of just stayed with the little kid for a bit, gave him some snacks and such, tried to have fun with him amidst the war.

Then later, when Richard and Ryan were looking out, they were told there was a little child carrying a bomb. Ryan was like "shit i ain't killing a child"

Suddenly the little boy that Ryan helped out comes out. Ryan smiles, happy to see him okay, but Richard has that constant neutral face on him. The kid starts walking towards Ryan, and Richard pulls up his gun.

"Woah woah Rich, what are you doing?"

"You heard them. Kid has a bomb."

"Wh-wait we can't know for sure it's him! Put the gun down!"

"Can't take any half-measures, Jim."

"We can't kill a fucking child!"

"It's him or us Jim."

Anyways Ryan tries to stop Richard, but the kid kept coming forward.

"Richard please, put the fucking gun down."

Richard starts to aim 😎

"RICHARD PUT IT DOWN-"

BANG!

So the kid drops dead to the floor and Ryan is like 😱 and Richard is like 😐 (He always has a neutral face on) and this shit traumatizes Ryan. Also Richard is some psychopath or something.

Turns out the kid didn't even have a bomb, and Ryan was literally shaking with anger and had tears in his eyes, and nearly beat the shit out of Richard but his other buddy, Samuel, talked him out of it.

Anyways a few more years later Ryan is honorably discharged at 24 years old. He returns home to find out that the 'love of his life' was constantly cheating on him. This shatters Ryan, and he gets just so fucking furious, and Susan and Ryan have a fight. Obviously they break up, and part ways.

Not too long after, Ryan is walking around, when he discovers Susan and some other man. He starts harrassing her, which escaltes to assault. Ryan immediately jumps in, but the dude was pretty fucking aggravated. (It was because Susan said something that wasn't a big deal but he wasn't having it.) In the process, Ryan kills the guy. He's like 😱😱 and Susan is like 😨. Instinctively Ryan rushes to his uncle's house, panicking. Eventually he spills out what just happened to his uncle. David is obviously shocked, but tells Ryan he needs to leave. He knows a guy who can give out fake identities. So anyways David hands Ryan the information.

While Ryan tries to leave, he bumps into Susan. She promises she won't say anything, saying she'll just say it was an 'act of self-defense' by her. Ryan is worried she'll get arrested but Susan is like 'nah i'm a woman we don't go to jail'. She's a bitch but she's still a mildly good person.

Anyways Ryan flies to New York City where he spends his time wearing the infamous ski mask in public to hide his identity (pretty stupid but it just became a habit). His uncle heard he lives in New York, and moves to Vermont. Ryan visits David whenever he can, usually once or twice every few months. But they're in good touch anyway since they're close to each other lol.

Remember our insignificant but soon-to-be-pretty-significant guy Samuel? Turns out he's in NY too. Is paid to treat people outside of the hospital. Anyways so Ryan and Samuel get in touch too.

Fast forward to a year is where the story starts and Ryan meets Zoey.

Oh and about his personality - he's a very pragmatic guy, and is overall pretty chill, cold, and distant. Well if you're close to him then he's more bright. A bit witty if I might add. Doesn't talk much unless-again-you're close to him.

[earthseaborealis]

New Traditions and Worlds

My @homestuckss gift for @dykeiatrist ! I used “Davekat,” “Jane,” and “Hurt/Comfort” (with a bit of DirkJake) to create a cute little holiday fic! Hope you enjoy it :D Have a wonderful holiday season!!

Also on ao3 (@detective_in_space if the link doesn’t work!)

“Twas the week before Christmas,” Dave started before pausing, “Yo Rox, what’s somethin’ that rhymes with Christmas?”

“Ass? Wait, no, no that doesn’t work… Christmas…” Roxy muttered, “Okay so, like, the only thing I’ve got is Christmas, but you absolutely cannot rhyme ‘Christmas’ with ‘Christmas,’ right?”

“You’re definitely right,” Dave sighed as he scratched out the words in his notebook, “Dude, like absolutely nothin’ rhymes with Christmas words.”

Roxy moved over and rested their hand on his shoulder, “Karkat will appreciate the thought at least. Hey, there are other things than Christmas raps, like festive interpretive dances! Or Festive slam poetry?”

“Well, duh, it’s Karkat we’re talkin’ bout,” Dave laughed, but in his defense, it was true. Karkat would yell and insist that he hated Dave’s most ‘ironic’ gifts, but there was a certain fondness in his tone. Like it was just a whole elaborate game. The edges of Karkat’s eyes would wrinkle as his lips curled into a small grin. A small chuckle would escape, which Dave would obviously point out, and in response, Karkat would punch him (before wrapping him in a hug). Oh god, that was the best… 

“Hey sleeping beauty,” Roxy interrupted, as they lightly hit the side of Dave’s head, “Did ya invite me over here just to fall asleep?”

“Nah dawg, I was just thinkin’ about the usual,” Dave brushed their hand aside. 

“So,” Roxy drawled, “Karkat?” Roxy wiggled their eyebrows at Dave. 

“No,” Dave exclaimed, “Fuck, I mean, no. Hey, do ya know any, like, traditions that people do for Christmas and all that jazz.” Now that was a smooth change of topics. 

“Smooth like a baby’s bottom,” Roxy laughed, “But, nah. I didn’t even know Christmas was like a real thing… thought it was an urban myth or something.” Oh, right. Roxy lived in some highly-futuristic society that was enslaved by a fish bitch, but there was none of that oppressive dictatorship on Earth C. Trolls, Carpacians, Humans, and well, any other species were free to chill by the fire and enjoy whatever holiday they wanted. Now that, was what sweet, sweet democracy was about (preach Obama). 

“Lit, lovin’ that we’re both oblivious of any cultural traditions… hey, you think one of the Crocker-Harley-English… berts... would know more about this? I’m feelin’ like they’d be all up in that shit,” Dave said, “Oh fuck, I’m so smart. That’s like totally their thing.”

After quickly picking up all his stuff and saying goodbye to Roxy, Dave picked up his phone and dialed Jane Crocker, the holiday expert, on his way home. Wait, oh fuck, what if she was busy? It’s not like he usually talked to her, so was it out of the question? Oh no, maybe he should’ve just texted John...

The phone picked up, “Hello, Jane Crocker speaking?”

“Oh… oh! Hey Jane, it’s Dave… ya know… Dirk’s cooler bro,” Dave started. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket and kicked a stray pebble on the sidewalk. Yes, he could be floating around, but exercise was important. 

“Well, howdy there Dave. It’s been a while since we’ve talked, hasn’t it,” she chuckled, “Anyways, did you need anything?”

“So, like, Rox and I were talkin’ about Christmas and stuff… and well, we’re both dumb and have no idea what people actually do for it, so I thought you might be the expert on the subject? Because it totally seems like it’d be up your ally,” Dave rambled on. 

“Well golly, I’m flattered. It’s been a while since I’ve actually celebrated the holiday, but of course, I’ll help you! Before the game, my father and I had so much fun celebrating… let’s see… Well, I’m sure you already know this, but we’d go out to a farm together and pick out a tree. I’d always search for the fattest tree, and my father would help me cut it down. And then we’d go get Hot Cocoa and pick out ornaments together, and well, oh sorry, I’ve gotten a bit off-topic, haven’t I,” Jane apologized.

“No, no! You’re literally the best… lemme just get a piece of paper to write this on,” Dave fumbled around his captchalogue, and pulled out an old notebook (of course, with Obama on the cover). “Okay cool, I got one, hit me with all that sweet, sweet info.”

“Alright… let’s see, what else… oh, well after we decorated the tree, we’d make and frost sugar cookies and cakes together. Oh! Karkat and you are welcome to come over together sometime and make cookies with me if you’d like,” Jane offered. Hell yeah, she was a literal legend. Roxy and Dirk had the best friends. 

“Yeah, dog, we’d love to! I’ll hit you up with a date once Karkat checks the calendar. You know him and… schedulin’,” Dave said as he continued to write down Jane’s suggestions. 

Jane chuckled, “Sounds good… and one more thing… My father and I would always put cheesy Christmas music on. That was the best… we’d make absolute fools out of ourselves, but it was so much fun. Literally, we’d just dance around and belt the lyrics… those we’re the days,” Jane’s voice started to crack… fuck… had Dave made her cry? “Sorry…” she continued, “I don’t mean to be so emotional. Oh lord, I’m sorry. I… I hope I helped you a bit, and just, feel free to come over whenever for cookies…” 

“Fuck, no,” Dave searched his brain… what would Karkat say… “Sorry for bringin’ up those memories. I know it sucks and all. I’ll give you some time and just hit you up later.” 

“Yes, that’d be great… see you later then,” Jane said as she hung up. 

Well, shit, Dave had already made one person cry and it was only 11 a.m. Maybe Christmas was just an emotional time and stuff. Jane was cool, though, so he hoped that she was okay. Plus, she gave him some kickass advice, and he was so ready to get his holiday spirit on. 

The rest of the walk to his place was boring. Dave tried to come up with some more sick raps for his Christmas album, featuring the new and improved version of “Jingle Bells.” The air was crisp and way too cold for Dave’s Texan roots (he blamed John for the freezing wind), so he was thankful when he finally reached the door. 

“Yo, Karkat, I’m home, and I come with words of wisdom from the one and only Jane Crocker herself,” Dave announced as he closed the door behind him. He attempted to throw his coat and hang it up, but it fell clumsily to the floor. He shrugged it off and continued through the cozy lil’ condo, finding his way into the kitchen, where he found Karkat doing a load of laundry. Yes, the washing machine and dryer were in the kitchen… it was only the most ironic, British mom location for them. Dave, being the coolest man to ever exist, ran up to Karkat and hugged him from behind. 

“Jesus fucking shit Dave! Are you trying to give me a blood pusher attack?” Karkat screeched as he jumped like fifty feet in the air (okay maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it basically happened). 

“Nah dude, you wouldn’t dare be all anime protagonist on me and faint. Like, imagine me runnin’ to cradle you in my arms while you murmur ‘I’m goin’ to have to kawaii the shit out of your desu.’ Literally, imagine that” Dave rambled. 

Karkat groaned at this, “Stop spending time with Dirk. You’re turning into a shitty weeb Karkat said as he pushed Dave away. 

“I can’t help it… it’s who I am,” Dave clutched yo his chest and fell to the ground, pulling the other boy down with him. Karkat’s words. The worst weapon of all. 

“I’m going to go live with Kanaya and Rose,” Karkat grumbled, falling to the ground as dramatically as possible (making sure to land on Dave with as much force as possible). 

“Like you’d do that,” Dave scoffed, “She’s worse than me. Plus, is you did, we couldn’t be all romantic and celebrate human holidays together. C’mon dude, we gotta act like a high school couple. Get all up in each other’s space and kiss under the mistletoe. Oh, speakin’ of that! I talked to Jane, who is literally the best, and she was like ‘oh Dave! Check out this super lit tradition I did back on the o.g. Earth. Like, you get to cut down a tree and decorate with the most ironic ornaments.’” 

“Sound detrimental to the environment and a waste of time. What’s the point of celebrating a fucking tree,” Karkat asked.

“Dude, it’s a pine tree, which is superior to all other trees. Besides,  it’s about family and friends. I mean, I never celebrated Christmas with Bro, but you can’t just diss Karen like that,” Dave said, using his best white mom voice. 

“Fine whatever. I’ll celebrate your dumb human holiday, but I call picking out the decorations,” Karkat bargained as he stood up and dusted off his pants (getting rid of Dave’s germs).

“Hell yeah, deal! Get your coat on, we’re gonna get a tree and bring it in our house,” Dave exclaimed, quickly getting off the ground. 

The boys quickly got ready and we’re out the door, hopping into their car. Dave has gotten it because well, basically of all Karkat and his friends could fly. He has listened to Karkat’s complaining enough and invested in an older, used minivan. And man, did he love the thing. Hey, maybe he’d become a car person after the holidays were over. 

Dave was about to drive to the nearest park with a saw, but Karkat demanded that he call and ask Jane first. Jane recommended a small farm in the middle of nowhere, and with the use of a GPS, they eventually found their way there (after a few hours of trial and error).

“Jane said that fat trees were better, but honestly, I’m lovin’ this tall ass one right here. I mean look at it. It’s taller than the Empire State Buildin’… wait, is that still a thing? Like an Earth C Empire State Buildin’?” In Dave’s defense, it was a totally valid question. Like, did Earth C have the same seven wonders of the world? Who knew. 

“Shut the fuck up. We’re here for a tree, not imperialism,” Karkat groaned, “And besides, our house isn’t big enough for that.”

“But Karkat, the economy,” Dave whined, “But like, what about this tiny one… it reminds me of you, short stacks.”

Karkat shoved him, “And the other reminds me of your flat ass.” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment… since you're lookin’ at my ass and all,” Dave pulled down his Stiller shades and winked.

“Shut up, you fucking twink. Let’s just celebrate your weird human holidays and get the tree,” Karkat grumbled as he attempted to pick up the tree. 

Dave doubled over laughing as he watched the 5’3 troll struggle, but once Karkat shot him an angry glare, he rushed over to aid him (with his huge muscles, of course). “Nice, I can feel it pokin’ me through my mittens. Ten out of ten would recommend.”

After endless trial and error, the pair managed to carry the tree to the register and on top of their car, a red minivan that Dave had picked out.

“So,” Karkat started, “We just put a tree in our block and decorate it? And then some creepy old man flies around the world and gives presents to children by putting them under the tree?” His eyebrows furrowed as he attempted to understand human traditions.

“Dude, I can’t even explain it. Humans can come up with some weird shit when they put their minds to it,” Dave laughed. The rest of the car ride consisted of Karkat rambling about trollian traditions. Their hands managed to find one another and rest comfortably on the center console (Dave, of course, kept one hand on the steering wheel at all times… hey, safety is important). 

Their next stop was the local hardware store. It was owned by a sweet, older Carpacian. In all honesty, she reminded Dave of the Mayor… a kindred spirit whose goal in life was to just lead and help make others happy. She made the place seem like the opposite of a place to buy tools. The place was decorated with festive garlands and cheery music rang through the air. Dave waved at her as the pair walked towards the Christmas section.

“So,” Dave drawled, “What kind of ornaments are we lookin’ for? Personally, I wanna find a dick shaped one… for the memories of cockscotch. Bless that game.”

“This is a family store, dick-muncher! And we’re getting triple-f ornaments! Family fucking friendly!” Karkat screeched, marching ahead (but not before grabbing Dave’s hand and pulling him along). 

“Fine, fine, I get it… gotta make our house grub friendly, for when John comes over,” Dave snickered as they walked the ornaments aisle. Who knew there were so many different variations in fucking decorations? You had some for your Karens, poor college students, newlyweds, too many to count. Karkat busied himself with the… glass ball? Well, whatever that kind of ornament was called. 

“These are nice,” Karkat noted, showing Dave a set of jade glass baubles (haha, like Kanaya).

“But like, dude, they’re so borin’,” Dave whined, “We gotta spruce this tree up… get it? Spruce is a kind of tree.” Dave chuckled at his own dad joke. Shit, he was hilarious. 

“Hey, I’m just trying to make this actually look nice. We’ll get other colors too, and “spruce” it up, as you say,” Karkat said as he went back to check out the boring ornaments. Dave, on the other hand, went to look at the children’s ornaments on the other side of the aisle. Most of them were new pop culture things that Dave didn’t recognize (God was he growing old). However, there were a few that grabbed his attention, and obviously, he was gonna have to show these to Karkat. 

“Yo, dawg. Check out these cool little fuckers. They’ll make our tree look mads cool,” Dave opened his hands to reveal a bunch of little crab ornaments. They were cute and not boring glass balls. Plus, crabs were like Karkat’s thing… he’d definitely appreciate them.

“Crustaceans? Don’t you just know the way to my blood pusher,” Karkat rolled his eyes, “Just put them in the basket before I change my mind.”

Dave threw his fist in the air and gave Karkat a side hug, “Hell yeah, you won’t regret this. We gonna get so festive up in this joint. All the moms will be beggin’ to check out the coolest tree in the neighborhood, which if ya didn’t catch on, will be ours.”

“You got me. I’m only doing this to make Carol jealous. She fucking deserves it,” Karkat chuckled. Yes, Dave knew he was doing swell when he made Karkat laugh. If only he could give himself a, well earned, golden star. 

“Dude yes, I fuckin’ hate Carol. C’mon, let’s get more lights. We gotta make this flashy and blow a fuse, speakin’ of which… do you know how to fix a broken fuse? Because I do not wanna call Dirk over to fix it for us. He’ll be like ‘Dave, I’m just tryin’ to celebrate the holidays with my darlin’ boyfriend… have I mentioned Jake’s ass? Damn, lemme just rant about that and never actually fix your broken utilities.’ Can you imagine the pain, Karkat,” Dave lamented? He loved his brother, don’t get him wrong, but he did not want to mess with Dirk this close to the holiday season. 

“I can, actually. Remember what happened the week before Jake’s birthday? Dirk is batshit crazy, but he gets it from you,” Karkat smirked as Dave feigned an offended expression, “Now, can we stop talking about his love life and actually pick out some decorations?”

The pair still had one more destination before they could go home and relax, maybe even decorate the tree… but knowing themselves, they’d probably wait until Christmas Eve to put the new lights and ornaments up. 

“Oh my goodness, I’m so glad you two could make it,” Jane said as she opened the door, “I’ve already got everything out, so all we have to do is bake and decorate cookies… and perhaps eat a bit of dough.” She ushered the two inside. 

“Hell yeah, you’re the best Janey,” Dave said as the pair put away their coats and walked to the kitchen with Jane. Everything was so clean, especially when compared to their house. Karkat would always fuss about his habits, but Dave felt a sort of comfort in the messiness. So what if there were shirts thrown on the floor and an unorganized stack of papers on the kitchen table. It built… character. 

“I’ve never had what you humans call ‘cookies,’ but thank you for having us,” Karkat added. 

“Oh please, it’s no problem. I love baking, and I especially love helping people get into the holiday spirit,” Jane said. The trio fell into a simple routine once Jane showed them the recipe, helping the two boys when need be. Dave filled the silence by rambling under his breath about whatever he deemed important, while Karkat concentrated on making his cookies perfect. 

“Hey look,” Dave exclaimed while holding up one of his doughy creations, “It’s a Karkat angel! A Kar-Angel… a Karkat Van-Angel!” His cookies were shaped into gingerbread men with nubby horns and an uncharacteristic smile. 

“And I made a Dave-Cookie… oh wait, it’s just a blob of dough, my fucking bad,” Karkat retorted, going back to rolling out his dough. 

It was a long process, but after a few hours, the boys had successfully made their first batch of Christmas sugar cookies. A few of the cookies weren’t burnt on the edges, but they were delicious nonetheless. Jane demanded that the pair take home their creations, as she didn’t have enough room in her cabinets for more holiday desserts. 

“Goodness, thank you so much for coming over and making sugar cookies! I haven’t had this much fun since… well, it’s been a while. Feel free to come by and help me whenever you all would like,” Jane chirped. 

“Of course, Janey,” Dave replied, “You best bet we’ll be back for some more goodies! Gotta get my housewife on. I can’t be accidentally poisoning Karkat with some undercooked cake.” 

“You’ve poisoned me with every meal of your’s, except the Kraft Mac and Cheese, but only because Roxy helped you,” Karkat spat. 

“Oh well, we certainly can’t have that. I’ll be seeing you both again soon then. Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year!”

It was dark by the time they were home. Karkat and Dave both felt the sleepiness enter the body, as they kept yawning. It was too late to decorate the tree, so it was leaned against a corner. The pair immediately plopped down onto the couch and put on a holiday classic, Tim Allen’s “The Santa Clause,” which Dave argued was the best Christmas movie known to mankind, trollkind, and carpaciankind alike. 

“Y’know, I never imagined that I would celebrate Christmas. Like, dude, that shit was mads uncool,” Dave said out of the blue, interrupting the beautiful sound of Tim Allen interacting with CGI reindeers and kidnapped children.

Karkat groaned, “Well, me either, yet here I am, celebrating a dumb holiday for dumb human grubs.” He was just trying to enjoy this wonderful holiday film, but with Dave, silence didn’t last long. In a way, it provided comfort to the pair. He knew that Dave absolutely hated the silence, as it reminded him of his Bro. For Karkat, Dave’s endless rambling allowed him to take his mind off of his worries. It was an odd relationship, one that had taken years to achieve, but here they were… they had made it, yet Karkat knew there were still shaky moments for the two of them. Like now, for example. The pair both would jump around certain barriers, trying desperately to aid one another, while still attempting to not dig too deep. 

Dave rested his head upon Karkat’s thighs and snuggled into the pile of blankets, reminding him of their time on the meteor, “Y’know, I wouldn’t have this whole thing any other way. ‘M glad my first Christmas is with you, instead of Bro.” His words are slurred together and slightly muffled, and Karkat can’t help the stupid ass blush that creeps onto his face at the sound of them. 

“Fuck that guy,” Karkat spits. After a moment, he starts again, this time with a gentler tone, “And it’s nice to have you here too, no matter how fucking dumb your endless rants may be.”

Dave could almost hear Dirk whispering “Tsundere” in his ear as he chuckled, “Awe, love you too, KitKat.” He sits back up, nearly smacking the top of his head into Karkat’s jaw. He looks away for a second, briefly hesitating, then leans in, closing the distance between the pair. It’s just a brief peck, but it leaves the two of them speechless. Dave looks at Karkat through his shades. A light brush coated his cheeks and his lips curled into a small grin. 

Karkat pulls Dave into his side and looks towards the corner of the living room, where their small, fat tree is leaning against the wall. It was empty and in desperate need of attention (aka Crustacean ornaments). Filled with a sudden burst of energy, he paused the movie and stood up, pulling Dave with him, “Get off your lazy ass and get fucking festive. We have a tree to decorate.”

[crowsent]

Reaper At The Gates

Full disclosure, this book has 458 pages and I kinda cried on page 448 so this may or may not make sense because I am FUCKED UP right now. Page 448 has no goddamn diddly fucking RIGHT to be that emotional and Page 449 is fucking CRUEL. The page header. The fucking PAGE HEADER telling me which goddamn POV the chapter is in made my heart SAD and that shit should be illegal. Chapter LVIII had no fucking RIGHT and I’m suing for emotional trauma.

I am crying in the goddamn club right now. I am inundating this club with my tears and bringing about the second great flood because THIS FUCKING BOOK.

If you’ve been with me for ANY amount of time, you already know about this book because I started this book in the goddamn SUMMER of 2K19 and I only just finished today, on the day of our lord, February 10th 20 FUCKING 20. Took me a goddamn year to read this book and honestly?

Honestly I should have fucking finished this book earlier because HOLY SHIT.

The book is a rollercoaster that I got shoved on without a seatbelt or something to hold onto, then subsequently yeeted into a sea of emotions that hit me on the head like a fucking WARHAMMER. The author, Sabaa Tahir, is a goddamn sorceress. Her words are twists and turns and it is all I can do to hold on.

With every fibre of my being, from the pull of my muscles to the creaking of my very bones, I wish so so desperately to have copies of the first two books so I can experience them again. So I can start the journey all over again. So that when I read this FUCKING BOOK, everything is fresh on my mind.

It’s the third book in the Ember In The Ashes series and when I say that I am shooketh. This book swung for my goddamn kneecaps and went for my jugular.

It is painful.

Let me say this right fucking now that it is PAINFUL. The imagery is beautiful and brutal. The sentences are skillfully crafted knives that are thrown at me with precision. It is a thunderstorm that has long since been spotted but has yet to strike. Anticipation builds and builds and builds until you feel like you’re going to crack under the pressure. And then the storm comes. And you break.

This book is fucking painful. Characters I’ve loved, characters I saw laughing, crying, howling with hurt, characters that I’ve grown attached to, are subjected to so many things that I can’t help but feel for them. They are clay, Tahir is the sculptor, and I am the poor fool watching them get broken down to be molded again, hoping desperately that this time, this time, they’ll be fine.

It’s fucking painful.

And beautiful.

Because this book is a goddamn thunderstorm, and it finally struck. It set fires that burned down trees and houses, but lit up a dark night. These characters grow so much and I grow with them. My mind is constantly thinking with every page I turned, trying to find some comfort when the book offered me pain, trying to find the wounds when I am offered mercy.

The plot is strong. The characters are stronger. All three of the main leads are thoughtfully crafted. You can see into their minds when they speak. You can feel every beat of their heart when they act. You can hear their goddamn fucking souls crying out with every atrocity they face and witness and commit. And the villain? I pity him. I pity him and hate him and love him. The villain is not a force of pure evil. The villain is broken. And some part of me wants him to win. The side characters are no slouch either. That small snippet of Alistar made my breath hitch and my heart harden. And Alistar is one of the lesser side characters, not as prominent as Harper or Dex, but he was there and I was not okay. And Keris. Just. Keris.

And the best part is that ALL of the characters change. They grow, for better or worse.

I don’t think it’s for everyone because of its kind of sensitive content. War. Slavery. The brutality of mankind on full display. Pain and pain and pain with nothing to show for it. Failure and sadness and betrayal. Hurt that runs so deep it colours the soul. But if you can handle that kind of content, read it.

You kind of have to read the first two books, but the third one is worth it. The first two books are good, but this one is visceral. I felt empty when I finished, and I felt different when I finished. Not in any kind of profound way, mind you. This book didn’t change my life or anything, but it did change me.

It made me think of things a little bit too deep for my usual shitposting fuckall veneer. It made me think of life and death, of duty and sacrifice, of pain and love and of people. Not everyone is black and white. Even the darkest of souls, the most monstrous of monsters, the most ruthless, heartless, cruel, vicious beasts have some good in them. They can love and they can mourn. They can fight to the death for what they believe in. And even the kindest people, the ones with bright smiles and gentle hands, the ones who are sunlight on a dark day, can be capable of wickedness.

I don’t think about the duality of man that often. By that I mean never. On a subconscious, hidden part of me, I know that mankind is never black and white. Everyone is grey. Someone who hated you so deeply can love someone so much it aches. Someone you would bring the stars down for could be a hideous sinful creature. And this book brought that to the surface. It made me LOOK.

The series was always a little dark, but I underestimated how deep this cesspool of emotions ran. The line “Skies save me from the men in my life and all the things they think they know” did not, in any way, reveal just how much of a painful, beautiful, vicious thing this book was.

The prophecies made me wrack my head for an answer. And just when I think I have it in my grasp, something else gets revealed. “When the Butcher bows to the deepest love of all.” A love for kinsmen, for the Butcher’s people, for the Butcher’s family. And the Ghost? “The Ghost will fall, her flesh will wither.” When the meaning, the TRUE meaning of that line got revealed, I lost my shit. This book yall. This fucking book.

My only major gripe about it is how much it used the word “bleeding” as a swear word. Y’all call Keris “piece of shit human being” Veturia the Bitch of Blackcliff but y’all won’t let Laia of Serra say the word fuck? Okay. But we ain’t talking about that.

Fourth book is coming and boy fucking howdy I was not prepared for how much I want it. I want it so much I can’t put it into words. What I can put into words, somewhat, is how much I feel for THAT scene. You know. THAT scene. Spoilers for the three things that destroyed me the most emotionally below

What we are talking about, is Helene Aquilla. She deserved none of the shit that happened to her. My beautiful, beautiful daughter deserved none of the pain, none of the suffering, none of the tears and the worry and the strife she was given. My daughter deserves to be HAPPY goddammit. And what? First you subject her to emotional trauma by having Marcus torture her sister over and over. You poison Livvy and subject Helene to a terror so visceral and vicious that she blames herself for putting Livvy in danger even though it wasn’t her fault? You tease the Harper thing but then you take it away from her. Just like you take everything away from her.

How fucking dareth????? Helene deserves more than that??? Like the Harper/Helene ship has set sail and docked in the empty harbour of my heart. Their interactions are so goddamn GOOD and then you take everything away just like that. They kiss near the end of the book and all of a sudden, it’s gone. It’s nothing.

That moment in Navium? Where Helene was almost killed but saved at the last and final moment? The scene where Harper urges Helene to trust him, to let him carry some of her burdens, to allow Harper to see part of her. “Needing protection is not a weakness. Refusing to trust your allies is.” That quote ripped me the fuck apart. And I think it was this moment that the Helene/Harper ship truly and irrevocably burrowed within me. I will not let this go. I will, and I do not say this lightly, go down with this fucking ship. Even if it burns and drops into the bottom of the ocean as nothing but wasted wood, I will go down with this fucking ship because BRUH.

And Laia of Serra? First you have her captured. Then you have her see her people beaten over and over again. Then, and fucking THEN you have her discover her mother’s identity and the violence her mother has committed right before her meeting with Cook? You fucking do that shit?????? HELLO?????

That reveal destroyed me. Cook has been with us since the first book. She was something familiar. Amidst all the chaos and suffering, cook was the one single constant in the book. No matter how much the scene changed, or how the plot shifted, Cook was always there. Always present. And we learn that she is Laia’s mother. And THEN she fucking dies. And Laia has to live the rest of her life knowing that her mother had been so close to her, and she never noticed. Knowing that her mother died to protect her. Like nani the fucko was up with that??????

But you know what really hurts about Cook? What really hammers the rusty nail of pain inside my long-dead heart?

It’s the stutter.

For some goddamn fucking reason, when Cook said “You’re just like your f-f-f-fath-” I FELT that. Some part of me recoiled. I wanted to put the book down. Because while I knew that she killed her daughter and husband, I never had to actually KNOW that she killed her daughter and husband. That scene was impersonal. That scene was much like how Mirra of Serra snapped the necks of the people she loved. Quick. Painless. I did not know that she killed her daughter and husband because when that scene happened, Mirra of Serra was just putting them to sleep. But then she stuttered. “L-L-L-L-Lis.” “F-fath-fath” And she can’t say it. Because their deaths haunt them.

Because she killed them.

That was the moment it sank in for me. She is not Mirra of Serra. She is Cook. Because Mirra of Serra died with Lis. Because Mirra of Serra died with her husband. Because Mirra of Serra died long ago and this was the moment I realised it. “Curse this world for what it does to the mothers, for what it does to the daughters,” Helene said. I fucking agree. Out of everyone in the cast, the world took the most from Cook. I will never get over that.

But you know the one thing that really destroyed me? The one thing that made me realise that this book IS merciless and this book WILL shoot for a killing blow?

LVIII

The penultimate chapter.

The bitch of a chapter that took what’s left of my heart, raw and bleeding from the miraculous escape and alliance in the previous chapter, and just shattered it. It squeezed my raw, vulnerable, bleeding heart until it was nothing but dust.

Look at the chapter title.

LVIII: The Soul Catcher

Not Elias. The Soul Catcher.

He’s not Elias anymore.

Elias is gone.

He’s just the Soul Catcher now.

[bindingties]

(( other day i was like ‘man i love just swapping things between characters’ and then proceeded to make a list of most of the aa cast and a list of my muses, randomize both, and get ideas that way

it had some galaxy brain ideas ngl but one pair was Miles & Kay and i started crying at the idea of them having a roleswap and Kay being the detective for a modified DL-6 Incident and being amazing to baby Miles, giving him a swiss roll, yknow that good stuff

so i spent most of today doodling stuff for that instead of studying for an exam that’s wednesday

fun extra nonsense under the cut. no i will never be capable of not rambling ))

Kay & Miles essentially swap ages and their related dad death incidents swap years.

DL-6 still happens December 28 but in 2012 instead of 2001

Byrne’s death is, then, September 10, 2001.

Boy howdy will that make some surrounding ages buckwild, but like... idk how many of those bridges I actually have to cross.  Where we can, though, other ages are kept the same.  For example, Franziska is the same age as canon which, yes, means she is ~3yrs older than Miles in this verse

Kay is the one with the unsolved dad murder.  The incident happens similarly to canon, but no one sees the investigation through to the truth and Calisto Yew escapes.  Kay became a detective in the hopes that they may be able to reopen the case and find the culprit.

DL-6, instead, ends with the reveal of MvK as the culprit but, upon pulling a gun from his person, he is able to get away.

Yes, Franziska is still there.  She is a stubborn 13-year-old and really wanted to see her papa in action.  But then, whoops, he went and did a murder and then openly pulled a gun on a literal detective in front of his own daughter.  What a way to find out your dad is a piece of shit.

Livia is still alive here and, immediately upon seeing Franziska, even through her own grief, is like ‘Must Mom This Child’.  She ends up talking to Marie and, given that Marie has literally never wanted to be a mother, she happily hands over custody.  Liv does try to keep Marie abreast of Franziska’s life.

Franziska sticks with being a prosecutor, having passed the Bar by the time of DL-6.  However, Livia still pushed her into school because ‘yeah maybe you can recite every legal precedent set so far, but have u ever made friends and had a sleepover? no? get in school, learn how to make friends.’  Through that, she takes a shine to gymnastics and dance.  Overall, she’s more well-rounded, though is still quite the extreme perfectionist.

Franziska wants to bring her father to justice, but feels a bit guilty that she finds it hard to completely hate him - despite everything.

Miles decides to continue on being a defense attorney.  By the time he passes the Bar, being raised by Liv has made him so very, very chaotic.  The drawn interaction between him and Kay is not a joke.  Meet Miles ‘what is a little B&E in the pursuit of truth’ Edgeworth.  Unlike canon Miles, he frames his acts less as ‘the laws are unjust so they should be broken’ and more ‘i just fucking wanna get to the bottom of this and obstacles are things to be overcome’  He won’t use any illegal evidence in court of course, but does use it to get a better overall image of the case in his head.  

Given all that, really Kay and Miles should never end up on the same case because them together is... a lot.  But, well, sometimes life be like that.  Franziska is like the single lawful Edgeworth and is constantly stressed by her mom and brother’s Antics™.

Eventually, Kay, Franziska, and Edgeworth manage track down MvK and after fun hostage shenanigans, do arrest him.  In turn, closer to canon MvK-style, Calisto is the defense attorney in a case she is secretly involved in / the culprit of and Franziska the prosecutor who discovers the truth.  

[goldeneyedgirl]

2019 Fic Meme

My end of year fic meme, compiled from some old Livejournal fic memes that I do when I write stuff. I do this for fun, because I like looking back at what I have and haven’t written, and what keeps popping up again.

It’s meant to be silly fun, and if anyone else wants to do it, PLEASE DO. I don’t want to tag anyone and put pressure on you in case you don’t want to/don’t think you have enough fic/hate memes. 

Twilight

12 Days of Fic-Mas (Twilight, WIP) Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, bonus.�� Twelve days of fic extracts, previews, and drabbles focusing on Alice Cullen. Encompasses Folie A Deux, The Only Girl in the World, JessaminexAlice, Omens, Asylum, The Long Way Around, The Dark and the Unknown, Hybrid, Runaway, All These Broken Things, & The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon 

Shadow to Light  (WIP) (Alice/Jasper, AU Angst, PG) In 1918, Jasper lures the newborn known as Mary-Alice back to Monterrey. He is lost to her before it even begins.

Total number of completed stories: Lol.

Total word count: 33,304 words were posted. 

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?  Look, I just... 2019 was a wash in so many ways. I played a lot of Fortnite really badly. I would have loved to be able to say Shadow to Light was finished, or that I was posting Hybrid regularly or something, but I can’t. I wish, wish, wish I had posted more but alas. 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Outside of Twilight, I dabbled with some reader/Ben in the Umbrella Academy, and I was messing around with some Janet/Wanda in my personal MCU canon. As for Twilight, I think my stuff got a lot darker? Like, we’re down the rabbit hole here, and somehow Alice ended up being the most feared vampire in the Americas? Yeah. 

And there’s the Avengers/Twilight fic that is simultaneously three fics and one fic because I cannot make Executive Decisions and I can’t decide if I like 1. Alice knowing Bucky from Before Jasper; 2. Alice knowing Hawkeye from when he was a kid in the circus and being how Natasha and Clint got out of Budapest, or 3. the Volturi hooking up with Hydra and ... yeah, I think this one is legit the most second-most one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever written. (I’ve been filing today, and boy howdy have I written some actual shit.)

What’s your own favourite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? That’s like making me pick a favourite child. I’m always so, so proud of Shadow to Light, and I love The Dark and the Unknown ‘verse, and Hybrid is just hanging out there, chilling and ugh. My babies <3 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?  TwilightFicMas was a huge risk! I wasn’t sure anyone cared unless I was posting more Shadow to Light, and people were SO nice and enthusiastic. So I guess the lesson is shut up and share more fic? Get out of your own head and spend time in the community because fandom isn’t meant to be lonely?

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?  I’m starting a graphic design business AND my masters in design in 2020, so I figure fic is going to be my downtime next year. Ideally, I would love to get STL finished, Memento Vivere’s sequel going, and have a few of my shorter pieces posted. I would really love to get some of my original stuff ready for publication, but I’d be happy studying, running my business, and doing the fic thing for 2020.  

My best story of this year: That’s up to the readers, I guess. Everyone seemed obscenely enthusiastic about The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon, though, and I was not expecting that at all - I was actually upset that I left the ‘dud’ fic for the last day of FicMas. 

My most popular story: Shadow to Light. Everyone is so nice and enthusiastic and polite about that one. I’m not used to it! Fandom for me is usually me sitting in a corner, doin’ my obscure thing, and maybe one or two people will read what I’m working on.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:  I think everyone was super enthusiastic and nice about everything I posted this year. Maybe Folie A Deux? But like, that reflects more on me and the excerpts that I chose to post rather than the fic or the audience itself. 

Most fun story to write:  The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon because that Alice is so happy; I have this playlist for it that is super upbeat and funky. 

Hybrid is fun because that Alice likes to torment Jasper. He understands Edward on a molecular level once Alice arrives. 

Most Sexy Story: The Dark and the Unknown is the front-runner for that, because most of the sexy goings-on in Shadow to Light is very much focused on the psychological and emotional aspects rather than the physical.

Story with the single sexiest moment:  The Dark and the Unknown. I am still deeply uncomfortable writing sex scenes, so this may be the only one I ever do. The implication of a blow job in Shadow to Light nearly kill me tbh.

The forest behind the school is silent; just her breathing, and the slight wind. No birds or wildlife, none of the hum of the traffic or of the school.

They don’t undress more than necessary, her skirt slid to her hips, and he takes her roughly against a tree, flakes of bark falling into the dirt. She is hot and slick, and silent as he fucks her, his fingers digging into her hips, a growl rising in his chest. She is every bit his fantasy; the smell of damp flowers, the sweetness of her flesh, her willing supplication. His fingers tear through the lace of her tights as he grips her thighs, and the heels of her shoes must be bending, she’s digging them into the backs of his legs so hard.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:  The Long Way Around makes Jasper and Alice’s relationship pretty fucked up, and tbh I look back at it and really struggle with how dark it is and how dark Jasper’s character becomes. There’s a reason that Shadow to Light is the ‘official’ version - it’s a better balance, and I actually think Maria is a lot more interesting in Shadow to Light as a villain with complex relationships with both Jasper and Alice to the point where none of them really want to have to kill each other, but there is a lot of hate on both sides. 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:  That’s a hard question. Shadow to Light definitely did that because I had to consider what happened when you took Alice out of the picture, and how that changed what happened, and considered the inter-family relationships. So much of canon relies on Alice’s visions that things can’t just happen the same way. 

Hardest story to write: Shadow to Light isn’t easy because I have such a specific idea of how it plays out, how it ‘looks’ in my head, and because Alice is so fundamentally different to canon. More innocent when it comes to normal interactions, and so controlled because it meant life or death - but she’s still got to be Alice in a way that people can recognize. It also has to sound right? If I can’t get the right turn of phrase for one scene, it has to be put aside until I can work it out. 

 All These Broken Things is hard because I started it back in, like, 2014ish and my writing and understanding of the characters and canon has changed so much - plus there are a few sections that came to me quite early in the writing, and now sound really out of place, but are such a strong linchpin for the story that I have to rework them in. It’s a good kind of hard, though, because I’ve improved so much, my ideas and goals are more refined. 

Most disappointing:  Omens is a little bitch, honestly. I started it for a fic contest and kept going to explore Alice’s human life, and it doesn’t quite feel like my writing? It needs reworking, and be a little less obvious because I think the ‘four horsemen of the apocalypse’ is a good theme for a Human!Alice fic. 

Easiest story to write: Depends on my mood; Hybrid is great when I’m in kind of a ‘girls kicking ass’ mood and boot up my action girls playlist.

Biggest surprise:  Hybrid started as a love story that was basically ‘yeah, let’s make this shit super dramatic and overwrought’, and turned into this actual story with a huge focus on family and relationships. I can’t remember why I decided Alice’s father had a husband except that I was thinking about small town ‘otherness’, and LGBT+ people can and are still considered ‘other’ in these spaces. 

Then you add in Alice and Cynthia who are basically in the same boat but have been separated for their entire lives. Alice has knowledge in her corner, whilst having to fight through foster care, abuse, and hospital; whilst Cynthia has lived a very normal but privileged life as the daughter of a mixed-race same-sex couple in a very small town. I went full-hog with this, and added in an extended family, because I really hated how canon went balls-to-the-wall to isolate Bella from everyone, including Charlie. 

Like, this thing is a monster, and whilst I plan to sit down and rewrite the outline (which dates back to 2016, and I hate the ending of), I stopped outlining at 65 freaking chapters. 

Most unintentionally telling story:  I think this question that still confuses me finally gets a decent answer in The Dark and the Unknown - Jasper is seeing most of it from his perspective, and there isn’t a ton of dialogue. I’ve tried to avoid an info-dump, but it’s meant to be quite supernatural in tone, and focusing on vampire senses and gifts enhances that. 

Story I’d like to revise:  All These Broken Things wins that one. Due to the age of the piece, there are some pacing and tone issues in later chapters that are the reason I haven’t formally posted it. 

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear: Oh man, I really want to finish A Thousand Years of Solitude, which is a Tanya fic. I’m really happy with what I’ve got so far, but it sounds smarter and more layered than it really is, so I’m kind of stuck. 

Mad World because Romani!Alice is super sassy and taking 0% of Swan or Cullen bullshit - I think 90% of my fic is just me going, “yeah, that’s not how normal people react.” And I’m a sucker for gothic horror. 

What else? Aww, Against A Wall which is AU Human Jasper coming from the shittiest home, and Alice finding him. It’s meant to be short, and another one I have a really clear idea of how it needs to work. 

And the one where Alice’s gift is a sentient power that pushes her to follow it; that Bad Things happen if she doesn’t; that Renesmee was always Endgame for Something, and Alice was a key piece to get that result. Or the one where Aro takes Alice as a ‘guest’ for a period because of Edward and Bella, and Alice’s gift is basically broken. 

Good times. I have like 5 years of fic on this computer, we could be here for awhile. 

[theoriginalsfan124]

Halloween special

Halloween has always been a special day for her. The decorations, the costumes, the freedom to scare people and not be called out - ah what joy did it bring her. On Halloween you could be whoever you liked without getting judged.

The young woman was craving out a pumpkin to put in her yard, tomorrow was the long awaited day. She smiled to herself happily and hummed along a tune.

“One more pumpkin and I’m done…” she whispered to herself as she lived alone.

Sometimes it would get lonely, living in a Victorian style house, some would even call it creepy. However, the silence and peace she got made up for it.

Her work was interrupted with a noisy creek in her home. A home as old as hers was bound to let out weird noises especially at night and over the years she got used to it, but now, however, her stomach turned. But something was off. Nonetheless, she shook it off and continued craving a scary face in the pumpkin.

Something creaked again, this time much louder and now in her living room. Cautiously she stood up and grabbed a knife from a nearby drawer as she was in her kitchen. Slowly she left the comfort of her kitchen and walked into the dining room.

It looked normal, nothing moved, nothing there. But from the archway she could see directly into her living room. But again she saw nothing abnormal. Cursing herself in her mind, the young woman went into the other room, knife still in hand. The moment she turned on the light, she almost dropped her knife.

In the far corner of the room, which is not visible from the dining room, on a vintage armchair sat a man. A handsome one for that. He hand short blond hair that shone in the dim light, the prettiest ocean blue eyes she had ever seen, making her jealous as she had blue eyes too. He was tall and quite well built, muscular but not over the top. The black shirt he was wearing clung to him perfectly, making his six pack well seen, his black jeans tight around all the right places, his long black coat perfectly completed his look. Charming, handsome - he was all those things. Maybe if he didn’t bother her to hell and back, she would have hit him up. Sadly, he got on her bad side and all that drooling over him mowing his lawn without a shirt when he first moved next door, turned into hate.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” She yelled out.

“Now now, Caroline, such classy ladies like you don’t use such vulgar language,” he smirked drinking a glass of whiskey. “I hope you don’t mind, I helped myself to your stash.”

No words left Caroline’s mouth for a moment. She looked as if she’d seen a ghost.

“You’re supposed to be dead!”

“Well but I’m here,” he shrugged his shoulders, the devilish smirk not leaving his face.

“How-how did you? How are you alive?!” She was baffled beyond belief.

He said nothing in return, but instead took another swing at his glass, the rings on his finger making a “clunk” sound when he takes the glass.

“How is this even possible? I fucking murdered you myself!”

It all started in June, when he had moved next door, the previous owner of the house had been missing for a year now and has been declared dead as they found his bloody clothes in the forest. It was not often the town of Forestground got newcomers, he was the first in a while. It just happened to be he had bought the house next to her. All the previous owners had all suffered the same fate - they always went missing. Some said the house was cursed. It was not like they were saints and it seemed like all of them got a stick up their ass. From not picking up their dogs poop from their neighbors yard and ignoring it when told, to having wild parties on a weekday, to blanketly damaging the property of their neighbors.

When the newcomer came, Caroline thought it’d be different. He was young, only a couple of years older than her, he was from a big city, fairly attractive, scrap that, very attractive and most importantly he was quiet and kept to himself. At first she loved her new neighbor, even pep talk herself into inviting him to dinner sometime, it’s been a long time since she dated. Everything turned sour just as quickly as it was sweet before. Turns out he really didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything, not giving a damn fuck to anyone ( well her) when she politely complained. He mowed his lawn in the earliest of mornings, kept his windows open while blasting hard metal, never even said a good morning when he did see her going to work, fucked women who boy howdy were loud.

She tried, she really did. But there’s so much one can handle. At first she politely asked him to keep it down, close his windows at least. Then she tried being passive aggressive. Then she filed a noise complaint. Then she called the police. Nothing got through him. Finally, after yet another evening while she was listening to classical music and relaxing reading a book, he decided to listen to metal with his windows open, on full blast, yet again. She had enough.

She marched to his house and pounded on his door. He opened it and seeing her at the other side he gave her a look that said “this again?”. She didn’t say anything, but barged into his house and went straight to the speakers unplugging them. He managed to say “hey! What the hell?!”before she walked right next to him with an angry face. She was always very short, but compared to him, she looked like a dwarf. His face turned into a scowl and he was about to tell her off as he was fed up with all her antics, however, before he could manage, the young woman grabbed the knife that was in his pocket and stabbed it into his chest, right where his heart was. His knees buckled and he fell backwards to the ground, instantly dead. That didn’t stop her anger. She bludgeoned her knife in her over and over again, her hands now covered in blood. There must have been at least 20 stab wounds. Overkill -yes- but satisfying nonetheless.

She calmed down and smiled. Finally, she got her piece again. She was not stupid, she knew what to do, this wasn’t her first time. First she cleaned herself up a bit, took a shower in the downstairs bathroom of her victim, washing off all his blood. Her pants made it without blood, her shirt not so lucky, so she went to his closet and took one of his, but because of their size difference it was like a dress on her, but “it will do” she thought. Then she found where he kept his bleach and cleaning supplies. She cleaned off the knife and put it back in her pocket. She shut his eyes closed and rolled him to his side, blood seemed to be everywhere on the ground, but she knew how to handle it. She scrubbed it clean, not even a drop was left, although she couldn’t save a small rug by the entrance, so she threw it in the fireplace and set it on fire, no one would even know it was there. The next part was the hardest. She had to drag his body in his newly built garage(as his house is also Victorian style just like hers) to put in his car. It was hard as he was very heavy, she couldn’t just carry him so she had to drag him, which left a blood trail where his body hit the floor. Finally, she managed to get him into the passengers side, now what was left is to clean the blood, again. After she was done, Caroline drove his very expensive car to the forest lake. Considering it was so large that no one will find him there or even look there, they didn’t with the others.When she got there, got out of the car and pushed it into the lake. The next day that is today she went about her day unbothered, just like nothing happened.

He once again flashed her his devilish grin.

“You can’t kill what’s already dead. As they say in Game of Thrones, what is dead may never die again.”

“Fine. I’ll be more violent next time, I guess I was too tamed.”

“Tamed? You call nineteen stab wounds tamed?”

“Twenty.”

“Who cares? But I gotta give it to you, darling, no one has killed me in over twenty years, kinda tickles.” He chuckles pouring himself another glass of alcohol.

She’s speechless, she hasn’t been in a long time.

“I would have made myself appear earlier, but I saw you craving pumpkins and fairly I haven’t seen you in just jeans and sweater in like ever. I gotta say, those black jeans make your ass look fantastic.”

“When did you-?”

“I was already conscious when you pushed me in the lake, my wounds have already healed, but then I drowned, so technically you killed me twice.”

“Then why are you only here now?”

“Darling, my car, which I remind you costs a fortune, was at the bottom of a goddamn lake in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

“How long have you’ve been dead for?” She finally asks slowly catching on.

“50 years.”

“Damn. I guess I missed the funeral.” Caroline regains her usually sassy self.

“Ah, there it is, the classy ladies snarky remarks.”

“Go to hell.”

“Darling, with you I'm already there.”

She had grabbed the nearest thing on her left, which was a vase, and threw it at him, her anger got the best of her. He dodged it, the vase hitting the wall and shattering, bits and pieces spilt on the floor.

“Wow there, love. You don’t want to hurt someone, now do you?”

“One more retort and you’ll regret it.”

“What are you going to do? Kill me?”

She was so pissed off by him that she wanted to just rip her hair out and he was just staring at her, clearly satisfied with what he was doing. But can you blame him?

“I’ll- I’ll”

“And I’ll go to The police, I still have the clothes plus my car is in the bottom of a fucking lake, once they start going down there, they’ll find all those people you got rid off.”

“Fine. What do you want?”

“Nothing. Everything.”

“Ugh” she rolled her eyes.

He threw his arm around her shoulders.

“This is going to be fun.”

And so an unlikely pair of murdering people were born.

[vrainsrewatch]

episode 8 thoughts

i was gonna watch later, since i’ve got other things to do, but i burnt the shit out of my hands making hot chocolate like an idiot so i watched an episode first LOL. 

this episode starts out with that really strong fairy tale scenery i absolutely adore, with yusaku and ai trying their hardest to get blue angel to wake up.

i seriously could talk about the imagery in this scene for days lmao. i love the sleeping beauty aesthetic, but i also really love the colors. LV goes through so many different color palettes through the series, but i love the purples and blues of this area here. i’m not sure if the intention was to make blue angel seem like she was meant to be there, while in contrast playmaker stands out due to his hair, but i seriously replayed this section twice because it looked so nice. 

i have a lot to say about this episode, and it will also be my most screenshot heavy post so far lol, so once again, buckle up! 

this episode starts to really build up yusaku as a character - his sense of justice, his core values, etc etc. on top of that, it takes its time to flesh out akira, and to show his worse qualities, which we’ll get into in a minute.

first, though, is one of my favorite awkward exchanges in the series lmao:

i’m surprised he even caught onto what akira was getting at, tbh with y’all. vrains started out ship teasing yusaku/aoi really hard these episodes, but drop it almost completely up until the minimal tease we get in s3, which i find really funny. i was always really invested in them becoming friends, though, so while i’m happy we had that happen in s3, i would’ve really liked to see it happen earlier. not this early, though - yusaku’s nowhere near ready for that.

I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN VYRA WAS HERE. yugioh hair makes it known that she’s going to be an important character, but i had really completely forgotten she was working as one of aoi’s doctors during this part lmao. i love this so much, actually.

moving onto everyone talking shit about blue angel on forums and stuff. this kinda shit:

would be really awful to deal with. it’s very real, though - cancel culture, anyone? but seriously, this is so brutal. on top of that, does this imply that she’s never really lost before? she is the number 2 charisma duelist in LV, so i wouldn’t be terribly surprised if that meant that she hadn’t really lost since starting to make it big as an idol. once again showing off how good of a duelist aoi actually is, even if the show makes her lose a lot. tbf, her loss/win ratio isn’t that bad looking at the other main girls - 5 wins, 5 losses on screen, and considering the kind of opponents she faced (soulburner, bohman, ai), that’s seriously not bad.

next up we get the chess pieces again, and boy howdy, does this conversation make me seethe.

i understand it’s partially a cultural difference thing, but i can’t help but get angry about it LOL. 

i didn’t remember how often the chess pieces were actually utilized in these first few episodes, either. i guess i can understand why people were irritated they were just dropped, but i don’t really see them as a plot point, more like... just a kind of weird way to run a company? just show your faces and have normal meetings like everyone else, y’all don’t have to be so extra.

the akira/emma meeting is nice because it shows you more of emma’s character, but it also gives you more of akira’s stupider (and ruthless) side.

you don’t see him like this very often, but honestly, when you think about all the unsavory jobs he was doing to keep him and aoi afloat way back when, it kind of makes sense. even if he was originally a gentle person, you don’t last doing... any of the jobs he’s done, being that way. even a higher up in a company like SOL tech would have to be a bit harsher to get to that point imo. i don’t see a lot of people talk about this side of akira’s character tbh which makes me kind of sad.

also, seriously, he’s an idiot. how did he arrive at this conclusion? when he saw that it was aoi who was baiting him into the duel? no matter what direction i approach this from, i can’t understand how he ended up on that conclusion lol.

also, the worst father ever award goes to....

seriously! i hate that man so much lmao. to say that directly to your own child, on top of everything else...

it’s a nice look into revolver, too, though you wouldn’t know it at first glance. his reply says everything, though. he fully accepts his role in his father’s life and has an incredibly toxic attachment to him, and wants his approval more than anything. we never see him get physically abused by kogami or anything of the sort, but you can’t deny the mental anguish he must’ve been going through in order to keep on his father’s good side. 

i know a lot of people like to say that revolver is kind of not a great guy, seeing the tower of hanoi arc, and how he probably should’ve went to jail etc etc but really, he was manipulated hard core. and extremely suicidal. i could really talk a lot about this all day, but i’ll cut myself off and instead say how much i love how vrains sets up revolver as a character. this, combined with “i’ll fulfill your wishes, father” from episode 3 gives you his motivations nice and clearly, but this specific scene also gives a bit of a hint as to where his character arc goes and what he has to work through. just thinking about this makes me so excited to get to 116 again lmao.

anyways, though. another excellent exchange comes up. seriously, lmao, ai being like “waaaah that’s illegal !!!!” and kusanagi’s just very casual 

makes me laugh every time i see it. they are criminals, even if what they’re doing is for the greater good. they’re not exactly innocent here lmao.

then there’s the talk about the virus infecting her, and it’s a nice way to bring up how that works before the another arc comes up in.. a couple of episodes, right? tbh it’s the arc i remember the least about, so i’m looking forward to rewatching it.

actually though, the idea of viruses in LV being able to infect someone’s body is so, so interesting. i really, really wish they had done more with the whole LV/rl merge idea, but guess i’ll just have to write more fanfic instead lol.

i mentioned at the beginning of this post we get into yusaku as a character more here, and this is one of the lines that really made him interesting to me originally:

he has such a strong sense of justice, but what sets him apart from other ygo protags is that he is not defined by it. he’s not the classic, stereotypical do-gooder who gets caught up in something and has to make it right, his justice is more so that he is not okay with seeing other people hurt because of what happened to him. his justice is driven by his trauma, almost entirely.

revolver even brings it up this episode:

where he talks about how some rando wouldn’t have done them any good because it wouldn’t have been public enough. yusaku doesn’t really care about the little people, not in the same way, say, yugi would. it’s not that he wants them to be hurt or see them get hurt or anything, it’s just that unless it effects him directly, it’s not on his radar. but once he gets involved, he feels fully responsible.

while he didn’t plant the hanoi virus into her, he probably knows it was to intentionally draw him out thanks to ai (and the fact that he beats them up all the time). he feels fully responsible for what happened to her, and he’s prepared to do what is needed to make it right again.

i really like yusaku for this. i find those kinds of characters really interesting, and yusaku is no exception. 

we get the whole emma/blue angel/yusaku scene, which is pretty sick tbh looking at it again - just shoot a church straight up from the ground for dramatic effect! - and i’ll bring up more of akira’s ruthlessness here.

seriously, this is not a line from someone who is just angry about his sister. and it’s also him being fuckin DUMB. playmaker willingly lets himself get caught into your trap, and he tells akira straight up what he has to do to save his sister - no sugar coating it, no trying to make it cryptic or difficult despite being caught in that hand and in that trap. he’s incredibly honest, and akira still does this lmao.

then it’s probably the wildest turn of events in all of vrains:

where’s that post that’s like, “remember when playmaker gets caught in a gothic looking church while he’s getting tormented by a giant demon hand controlled by his classmate’s brother and then his rival who he hasn’t met yet shows up in a lightning bolt to save him”? bc really LMAO what the fuck. it was so hype watching it the first time, and it’s still awesome watching it back.

and why is this never really??? brought up again later???? and when he leaves in that datastorm to go prepare to fight playmaker LMAO i know it’s supposed to look cool but the animation is so dorky, i love it. 

more on yusaku, though. before playmaker goes to fight revolver, who he’s been gearing towards for awhile now, we get this exchange:

to which playmaker responds with “i don’t hate you. i only hate the knights of hanoi”. which is another really good moment for his early characterization and very, very consistent with his backstory that we find out in about 12 episodes.

everyone who wasn’t involved in the LI in any way just... exists to him. they’re completely neutral. if something happens to them because of him, he feels directly responsible, because he feels like he got them tangled up in a mess that nobody should be in. i mentioned that briefly earlier, but this really drives that point home.

he doesn’t even hate akira for torturing him mere minutes ago. because he’s been through worse. because akira was doing what he thought was right by his sister, no matter how stupid he was being.

and even more so than that, he’s not seeing this as fighting for akira. he feels responsible for blue angel, but also, here’s his chance to fight revolver. it’s a two birds one stone situation here for him. 

anyways, i’m gonna stop myself there lol this is really long OOPS. gotta take care of a few things, and then onto the first rev vs playmaker duel!

[recurring-polynya]

I drabbled.

It’s half-inspired by @nono6thebleachfan​‘s role-reversal challenge, although it’s not a reversal of a canon scene, it’s a reversal of this ~amazing~ piece of art by @acompletenonentity​ that I have been thinking about all weekend.

It’s full of blood and cussing, because Inuzuri, but on the bright side, this is the first story I’ve managed to write without Renji dropping the f-bomb, so that’s something.

Edit: It’s on AO3 now

~

Adding Injury to Insult

~

It was generally acknowledged by the indigent youth populating the 78th district of South Rukongai that Abarai Renji did not know when he was licked.

This was not true. Renji knew very well when he was licked. He just also knew that even if a guy licked you, he might think twice about licking you again, providing you caused him enough hurt on the way down.

Renji wasn’t the biggest guy in Inuzuri, he sure wasn’t the strongest or the toughest, and he wasn’t a contender for the meanest by any stretch, but most people knew that messing with him wasn’t worth it, by and large.

Kozuki Kohei wasn’t most guys.

He was kinda big and somewhat tough and strong, but mostly he was just mean.

Last Tuesday, Oyama, the blacksmith got a load of pig iron ingots and agreed to pay Renji and Gorou 500 kan each to unpack and stack them.  Kozuki had been hanging around, allegedly perusing the knives, but mostly just bothering Oyama’s pretty daughter working the counter. She had been ignoring him, but then Gorou said something that made her laugh, and Kojima blew his stack. Renji was a few years younger than Kozuki, but he was a few inches taller, and he also knew how joints worked. He locked the dirtbag in a full nelson and frog-marched him out the door, just as all 6 feet and 280 pounds of Oyama was coming in. Kozuki slunk off and Renji got an extra 500 kan for his efforts.

Then, yesterday, when Renji was standing outside the lumber yard, trying to look like a guy who’s good at moving heavy stuff for cheap, Kozuki caught him from behind, smashed his head into a wall, and kicked him in the stomach while he lay on the ground seeing stars. Then he kicked Renji in the kidneys a few times for good measure.

Renji had gotten licked, and he knew it.

So, he was staying home today. The rest of the gang was respecting his privacy in this difficult time, and had made themselves scarce. Renji assumed they were probably trying to steal rotgut from the cellar of Old Man Tada’s bar again. There was a big rotted-out portion on one wall of the squat, or at least there used to be before Renji had spent all morning ripping it out. He had a big piece of thatched reeds that Rukia had made (she was clever at things like that), and was trying to figure out the best way to join it in, when Tsubaki stuck his curly-haired head in the doorway.

“Heeeeeeeeyyyy, Renji, what’s going on?”

“Made a hole in the wall. Fixin’ it.”

“Let’s go down to the river!”

“Right now? I’m busy.”

“It’s so hot, you should take a break.”

“It’s not that hot, and if I don’t get this done, with my luck, it’ll rain tomorrow.”

Tsubaki glanced nervously behind him. “Do we have anything for dinner? We could try to get some fish.”

“Go ahead, man. I told you, I’m busy.”

“I! Am! The! Strongest! Girl! In! The! World!”

Renji’s gaze drilled into Tsubaki.

“It was her idea,” he stammered.

Rukia stumbled into the squat, supported on either side by Gorou and Tasuke.

Renji made a choked sound in his throat.

Her entire face was covered in blood, except for one stripe down the side of her nose where a matted chunk of her hair had diverted its flow. One of her eyes was swollen shut. Bruises darkened her arms and legs, and she didn’t seem to be putting any weight on her left foot.

“What have you done?” he managed.

“I kicked Kozuki Kohei in the nards, just for you!”

Renji pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “And what were you clowns doing?” he demanded of the others.

“Witnessing her glory,” the other boys echoed dutifully.

Rukia’s grin was large and white against the bloody mask of her face.

“Doesn’t look like he got the worst of it,” Renji observed, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Oh, he did! I also blew out his knee, punched him in the throat and gave him a good poke in the eye.” She held up a rather large hank of brown hair. “And I got this.” She rubbed the back of her neck in a very Renji-like gesture. “The guys kicked him a bunch once I downed him, too.”

“How did you manage this feat?”

“Got the drop on him when he was taking a piss in the alley.”

Renji squeezed his eyes shut and started counting.

“Renji?” Gorou asked timidly. “Are you gonna yell at Rukia?”

“Of course I am! Now you assholes clear out unless you want some, too!”

Gorou and Tsubaki am-scrayed immediately. Tasuke desperately wanted to join them, but realized that Rukia would fall over if he let go of her. “Uh, uh,” he stammered. Then, Gorou ran back in with a large stick, which he propped up under Rukia’s arm, grabbed Tasuke, and departed again in a cloud of dust.

Renji tapped his foot impatiently.

The triumphant look immediately dropped from Rukia’s face. She swallowed. “Renji,” she said, very, very quietly.

He stepped close to her, glowering.

“Every part of my body hurts so bad,” she said in the same tiny voice.

“I can tell,” he replied, his voice just as small and soaked with sympathy.

“I don’t want the other guys to know.”

“I know. I’ll get rid of ‘em.”

Renji then proceeded to stomp around the squat, yelling at the top of his lungs. “You careless blockhead! You deranged numbskull!” For every insult, he made a silly face at her so she would know he didn’t mean it. “What were you thinking? Do you know how much trouble you’ve caused for us? You harebrained loon!”

When he was running low on insults, he stuck his head out the door, where the three boys were very obviously enjoying his tirade. “Look, you cowardly knobs, can’t you tell I’m havin’ an intimate moment with Rukia here? Be useful for once in your shithole lives! I’m probably gonna use up all the clean water cleaning her up, can you dogturds go get some more from the river and start a fire so we can boil it?”

Tsubaki and Gorou hightailed it toward the river, but Tasuke hung back for a minute. “Don’t go too hard on her, Renji, she did it for you.”

“I know,” he replied softly.

Tasuke gave a small smile, and dashed off after the others.

Renji sighed and headed back inside.

Rukia was looking very sad, indeed.

He piled up all their blankets, his own on top, and helped her sit down on it, putting her crutch off to the side. She might need it for the next few days.

Next, he surveyed their rag pile. It was not exactly overflowing. Well, Gorou could use a new tunic, and if they could snag one, they could use his old one to replenish the pile. Renji picked out a half dozen and dampened a few of them in the water bucket.

Rukia winced as he started dabbing at the blood on her face. He started around her good eye.

“You think your foot’s broken?”

“Naw, just twisted real bad.” She stared up at the ceiling casually. “Two of my fingers might be, though.”

Renji probed her hairline gently, looking for the source of all the blood. It was a long, shallow trench that started at the edge of her left eyebrow and crossed upward toward the crown of her head. “He caught me with the edge of those stupid brass knuckles he wears,” she scowled.

“Oh, Rukia,” he sighed. “You’re the only one of us without a hideous face, you should be more careful with yours.”

“Maybe I was just tryin’ to fit in.”

He smiled fondly at her. “Why’d you go after that loser? He got his revenge on me, he woulda left us alone.”

“Well, he’s definitely gonna leave us alone now,” Rukia snorted. “I saw his dick while he was pissing, and when I left him bleeding in the dirt, I told him if he touched any of us again, I’d tell everyone how small it was.”

Renji took a deep, cleansing breath through his nose, and thanked providence, once again, that Rukia was on his side.

Rukia sighed. “It’s not fair. OW!”

“Sorry, sorry! No, nothing’s fair. You wanna talk about the sky being blue or water being wet next?”

“It’s always you.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re always the one who gets trashed like this. Any one of us starts a fight, you’re always the one who finishes it.”

Renji made a pained face. “I’m the biggest. It’s only fair.”

“You just said nothin’s fair! And it’s not like you did anything special to get that tall, it just happened.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Right?”

“You keep asking me that. No, I didn’t do anything special to get this tall, I swear.” He paused. “Also, you know you an’ me heal faster than the other guys.” He sucked his teeth. “I’m pretty sure I’ve taken some hits that coulda killed one of them.”

Rukia nodded gravely. “Yeah. I thought you were a goner that time you took a brick in the kisser, but here you are, your one brain cell still apparently still working.” She blew some air out through her nose. “I’m strong, too, though. I might be small, but I can take a lot.”

“I know,” he agreed, surveying her face. It was pretty clean now, except for that bloody, matted chunk of hair. Rukia would probably just tell him to lop it off. “I just… don’t want you to.”

She scoffed. “Well, I don’t like seein’ you take hits for me any better!”

“What’re we gonna do about it?”

Rukia was quiet for a long time as Renji started winding his biggest rag tightly around her ankle. “You’re starting to get a reputation, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Maybe I’ll get one, too. Inuzuri Rukia: Mean as hell. Finds you in the night if you mess with her friends.”

“It’s accurate, anyway.”

“You’re big and I’m mean, we make a pretty good team. Scarier together.”

“I don’t think either of us is real scary lookin’ right now.”

She wiggled her fingers experimentally and winced. “Eh, we lived. We can be scary again tomorrow.”

He tied off the bandage. “But speakin’ of scaring people, tell me about every last squeal that came out of that shit-stain while you were givin’ him the business.”

“Boy, howdy,” replied Rukia. “You’re gonna love this.”

As it turned out, he did.

~end

(hey, if you liked this, you should read my other fic on AO3)

[girlbookwrm]

BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH MEMECEPTION 2: MEMIER AND CEPTIONIER

yes i HAVE been keeping up with the rewatch but i HAVEN’T been keeping up with typing up my notes from the rewatch but BOY HOWDY I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME AREN’T I.

Ok so here we go with Guardians 2 --

today we mourn the passing of an icon. farewell old marvel logo. ye shall be missed.

MISSOURI. EARTH. 1980.

so whose music taste does starlord actually have? his own? his mom’s? 

My Boss’s, in fact????

be it known that i work retail and the station we listen to is basically the guardians soundtrack which might sound neat but basically all these songs are dead to me now.

digitally enyouthened kurt russell must be mentally re en agened so i don't go mad like some sorry sucker faced with a lovecraftian horror tbh

34 YEARS LATER

which means 2014 confirmed which means we're actually watching this out of in-universe chronological order

our bad

this is the REAL opening. slipping back into their flashback ways i see.

Is groot dancing or fighting? both?

i love that all the action is out of focus, what we really want is Cute Groot Content and they know that.

“IT’S THE SAME THICKNESS FROM THE INSIDE AS FROM THE OUTSIDE” they said

in deliberate defiance of anthony tedward ‘you know the story of jonah and the whale?’ stark

none of this info is important or relevant

good hermit look nebula. solid hermit attire.

how does no one figure out the obvious battery thing faster? they’re not even out of the hall when he tips his hand

awwwwhwhwhh groot

~this one’s for the ladies~

i honestly can’t remember the context for that note i’m gonna assume that peter took his shirt off

it’s worth noting that drax is actually sneaky

“i will kill you”

all the ppl with siblings: *nod sagely* solid sibling interaction there.

i do love that it’s like an arcade

Just In Case You Were Wondering, The Guardians Have Not Grown Up At Alllllllllll.

sooooooooo drax going out the back -- that was the plan?

And drax is dead now, right?

and gamora?

and nebula?

and.... everyone?

BERHART

Gamora: LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!

all of us: mood.

nebula is also very bad at lying. 

Kurt Russell is here

“yeah my name is very on the nose. That’s comics for ya!”

CONTRAXA

The Roommate: There’s something extra unsettling about robot prostitutes not sure what...

prostitute: *turns herself off*

The Roommate: Yep. it’s that. 

that’s extremely rude of you rocky

honestly how dare this movie make me feel feelings about yondu

The Roommate: oh hey it’s laserface

me: it’s taserface actually

The Roommate: ........ that’s so much worse?

this carpet gag deserves more appreciation

Star-Lord’s “IT’S HAPPENING” face is just

Yup, that’s ur dad

Query: is Mantis one of Ego’s kids?

“what if this man is your hasselhoff?”

git ur daddy issues

git ur daddy issues here

hang on why was gamora so pissed if they can just grow new ship parts no problem???

Mantis is so cute but more importantly

HER EYE MAKEUP GAME IS ON! POINT!

i love rocket, always, but especially here with all the singing

but not that

nope

don’t like that

Just gonna kevin mccalister this whole forest huh

these guys are also dead, yeah?

yeah.

EGO’S PLANET

good job drax excellent grasp on humility

he’s built a museum to himself here

“yes, i have a penis.”

Gamora’s FACE here omg

what did Ego look like? pre Kurt Russell? did he go around seducing alien ladies with tentacle faces all the while looking like Kurt Russell? seems unlikely, since he can make himself look like Whatever. more likely he’s just pasted the Kurt Russell face over everything now because he’s got his Kurt Russell kid here, right?

A Very Smart Question We Never Get A Real Answer To. 

literally the most unrealistic thing in this movie: how could anyone be mean to baby groot?

can we take a moment to acknowledge that this is all like hella hella dark?

y i k e s

Ok but if Nebula doesn’t kill thanos then What Is The Point.

The Roommate: Peter and his dad play catch is so predictable i’d have felt robbed if they didn’t tbh. it HAD to be in slow mo.

me: ....

me: i just thought they were throwing it real slow

we still don’t have an answer here incidentally

Mantis is at least an adopted sibling then, right?

“No Gef. It’s Too Adorable To Kill.”

them all chanting mascot is terribly on the nose

this sequence made the full funny loop. went from funny to not funny and then pushed on through back to hilarious

They knew about the fin? and just?? Left it???

EXCELLENT use of slo mo

Yondu: Too Powerful to Live

Kraglin: Keepin it tight in those leather pants

TBF i don’t even know how she WALKS in those shoes much less dances in them

The Roommate: This scene makes me sad now... given...

Me: AH GEEZE

“you like when i’m the weak one.”

me and The Roommate: *exchange looks* 

Me and The Roommate: *sweating*

Me and The Roommate: she’s one of us.

Gamora: *my sister senses are tingling*

all the ppl with siblings: *nod sagely* Solid Sibling Interaction There.

stop giving me feelings about these characters That Is Rude

Nebula and Bucky would get along i feel

“I’M GONNA MAKE SOME WEIRD SHIT” - fandom

I love this very Non Romantic Relationship

PETER are you even LISTENING to what he’s SAYING???

aw man eyes Doing That is never a good sign

y i i i i i k e s 

oh hey it’s pooter

groot even pukes adorably wtf

this film gets real fast real fast actually

ego

ego that’s gross

that’s gross ego

Gamora: NO ONE MAKES ME FEEL MY OWN FEELINGS HOW DARE U

“we’re family”

i’m sobbing

Peter goes from zero to FUCK YOU in .00002 seconds i love that sm

we love this even more

for reasons.

“That was Bein Funny.”

nOT to ME

really? all this for like? three batteries?

batteries are actually a real #theme throughout this piece aren’t they.

i LOVE THIS SONG

superhero landing

“i don’t fly the arrow with my head, boy”

“yeah. i murder from the heart.”

You know, tbh yondu and gamora had to die for p much the same reason

too powerful

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Y I K E S

 ugh it’s like he’s being de-Raider-ized

i just don’t like it okay

i would like to thank whoever was responsible for cutting that line off mid-schmaltz

again, a+ music cue

AND IF YOU DON’T LOVE ME NOW!!

damn. iconic.

tho how dare this movie  tbh

this is somehow a hard turn

NOPE DON’T CARE FOR THAT NO THANK YOU

listen this is a very sweet scene completely ruined because

DADDY

yondu’s accent? not a good enough reason to say daddy in this context

gosh i came out here to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

AND THEN THIS SHIT HOW DARE???????

[awkward sibling hug]

all the ppl with siblings: *nod sagely* SOLID SIBLING INTERACTION THERE.

this song is.

very rude.

Can we talk about how drax is the team dad? like. Drax is everyone’s actual literal dad -- SLEEPY BABY GROOT

single rocket tear is too much

i say to this entire end sequence:

R U D E

these end credits are unfuckingbeatable tho